Residual traces of methamphetamine still coursed through her blood after all these years, slowly eating away at the fibers of her brain. To think, there had been a time when she was happy and carefree. There were days of her past when she was friendly, a guide for lost souls trying to become acquainted with their new home. She had run of the free lands and sanctuary within Aldgar and Salen when the times arose. But, as her sanity continued on its downward spiral, so, it seemed, did her world.
She had never gone back to the Oriens after... that day. She just couldn't. Tail curling between her legs as if in some sort of protection, her body shivered. The memories were creeping up on her again: the feel of his tender embrace against her hollow shell, that feeling of emptiness that plagued her even when on the surface she appeared to be happy, the truth about her first litter and the shame she carried as the mate of Exodus. Even though she had been with him before throwing herself into what was possibly the biggest mistake of her life, Denali still felt incredibly guilty. She had never been forthcoming with her mate about the demons that haunted her to her soul, choosing instead to bury it all in the lands that had once belonged to Aldgar. It was a pity that her wretched secrets seemed to have poisoned the land, killing the pack that thrived there more swiftly than they managed to kill herself.
Not that her stay in Salen was any better now... The lands of Acerbus felt like a prison, closing in on her more and more each day. She had come her for safety and was instead collared and chained. Exodus really had been a poor choice in males given her need for independence. He came with just as much baggage as she did, in a way. He was just so sweet and charming, albeit a little gruff around the edges. And he treated her like she was something special, something no one had every really done before (mostly because she had never given them the chance). But he was an alpha. And now... Now she was his alphess. Her! Denali! An alphess! The position was so absurd!
And that wasn't even the half of it. Committing herself to an alpha for the protection of his pack had seemed like a fair trade at the time. If she stayed hidden away in Acerbus, there was a better chance that that unnamed bastard would not find her. And if offered her children a safe place to grow. Children... Hah! Now there was a thought. The creamy Tundra was a horrible mother. She never knew the whereabouts of her own offspring, let alone if they were getting into any sort of trouble. And if asked her their father was? She knew to say Exodus would be a lie. Róvanfaer at least had a good head on his shoulders. But the other two? The poorer genes of her mutated DNA were more apparent in them. It was if they had been amplified rather than diluted. They had to have had the genes of her dark night within them; it was the only explanation for their questionable sanity.
Feeling a shift in the pit of her stomach, a whimper escaped from her maw. To think, she'd somehow managed to get herself pregnant again. At least this time she was sure of the pups father. Exodus had been irresistible that night, and he'd wanted to badly to impress her. That night had been the most normal, the most sane she'd felt in a long time. And now she was carrying the physical reminders of it for all to see. The Salen alphess was heavy with child for the second time since joining the pack, and once again she would not be allowed to reject the fated litter.
How had her life managed to become so complicated? As she continued to stare at the entrance of the Kiaou Mines, sun sinking behind the trees, she couldn't help but long for the days of freedom she once held. Now she felt like her life was being choked out of her, the hands of wretched humans once again restraining her body as they injected her with poisons. She was back in that claustrophobic, metal cage, subjected to torture on a daily basis. The good days were the ones in which she was not let out. Denali was feeling like that all over again.
Ever since learning of the pack's new beta, Atreyu, she had done well to seal herself up. She would disappear for hours at a time, sneaking into the ridiculously small cavern where she and Exodus had made love. Despite the constant feeling that the walls were going to cave in on her, it was just about the only place she felt safe anymore. Only she and her mate knew of the little hidey-hole, meaning she could easily avoid the rest of the pack. Which is exactly what she'd been doing. She didn't want to see any of them, especially not Atreyu.
Atreyu...
It was so odd to put a name to the face that so frequently haunted her in her dreams.
Atreyu.
The only contact she'd had with him thus far were fleeting, panicked glances as she scampered about in search of any form of sanctuary she could find. Exodus knew that she was greatly displeased with his choice in beta, but because she still refused to tell him why that demon retained his rank. Thus, she'd taken to isolation, speaking not even to her own pups and mate.
But, as this new litter again shifted about within her, she knew she could hide no longer. Exodus would be disappointed if he missed the birth of his children. And with May fast approaching, she knew she wouldn't be able to handle the stress on her own. She would be seven years old soon, and if she did not have her pups within the company of others she knew their lives would be cut short. She didn't want to care for them, but she didn't want to disappoint Exodus more. He would never forgive her if she murdered their children through neglect. And after everything he had done for her, it wouldn't be fair to him to remove the one source of happiness that she could say with assurance was truly his. Obligation was such a wretched, wretched trap.
Thus, Denali stood at the entrance of the dens, dead eyes peering into inky darkness. She didn't know how long she had been standing there far. The sun had still been up when she arrived. But now, now it was well beyond the horizon line, the earth cast in the cold shadows of the moon. Everywhere she looked was darkness. The Tundra imagined the land was no different than the way her own mind looked. Inky blackness creeping and crawling across every surface, leaking out of every crevice, chocking the life out of world until it slumbered peacefully. A twisted smile snaking up one side of her mouth, for a moment she pondered what it would be like if the claustrophobia strangled her completely. What if she walked in, went to sleep, and never woke up again? It would certainly put her out of her misery. But even death had nasty consequences, ones she was not yet willing to face.
So she continued to stand there, staring, not knowing at all what dared to stare out at her from the shadows. Gulping, she took one shaking step forward before halting completely again. Could she do this? Did she want to do this? What would happen if she did not do this? The answers to these questions were unclear, the fear of knowing them only adding to her misery. And so she stood there, watching, waiting, trying to force herself to move forward despite how much her mind insisted on turning back. The pups inside her kicked again and a few tears trickled from her eyes. Alone in the darkness, Denali was breaking, the weight of her world too much.
Pack life was not as bad as he had always thought; though Exodus was fairly lax when it came to Atreyu, allowing him to run freely around the grounds by himself “scouting for intruders” was easy enough work, and allotted him time to himself. Oh sure he saw Exodus looking him over suspiciously once or twice before during his stay in the past month, but Atreyu’s behavior was outstanding, and he gave no reason for Exodus to feel otherwise. It was Denali that was putting the Alpha on edge about his newly appointed Beta. She did her best to avoid Atreyu. Matter of fact, he’d rarely laid his eyes on her since the day they were formally introduced. Maybe it was watching her squirm uncomfortably whenever she caught sight of him that made him stay, and rather enjoy being here, albeit the off occasion where he was forced into conversation with someone else.
Denali…
He had known the floppy-eared Tundra for years; it was only up until recently that they knew the other’s name. Not that either of them used their names, whether it was out of refusal or lack of opportunity.
Denali.
He sneered disgustedly at the thought of her name once again. Not only had she run here to escape him and seek protection within a pack, but to also cover up her dirty little secret! When he first met the three youngest members of Salen, it took every fiber of Atreyu’s being to stay in control. With two of the pups bearing his deep emerald eye color, and the third, the Heir to Salen, showcasing a pelt handed down from his selfish grandmother, on his true father’s side. It did not take a genius, as long as one knew the truth, to tell that they were the spawn of Satan. What was worse, not only did Exodus claim the pups as his own, but Denali led him to believe that without a shadow of a doubt they were the fruit of his loins. That slut laid herself out for Atreyu, and then, to turn around and try to make an honest wolf out of herself, she runs and sleeps with an Alpha! No wonder he and his Alpha looked so similar; what excuse would she have given any other mate for the sheer size the pups were growing to be, not to mention the other physical and mental traits they held of their biological father. The whole ordeal made him sick!
He crept along mindlessly through the clouded forest heading for the den side until he paused, reaching the clearing halfway up the hillside where the mine shaft was located. Standing out in the open, the moonlight highlighting her pale coat in the dark night, there she was, and alone for that matter, aside from those fast asleep inside. Atreyu could not believe his luck. The muscles in his groin tightened, suddenly wanting her again. The contraction pulsed through his entire body until he quite literally ached for her. Shaking out his pelt and the tension he sprung forward, slowly making his way towards her.
He scent was exquisite. Damn the season change, she was no longer exuding her signature hormonal perfume, which more than likely would have sent Atreyu over the edge, given the situation at hand. Approaching her carefully, her whispered softly, “G’evening ma’am.” From previous encounters, he knew well enough to keep a safe distance between himself and the unpredictable female; just out of reach. He smiled coyly, eyes gleaming bright reflecting the moonlight, he bowed respectfully. Both parties knew it was all only an act, but Atreyu played the part well. Even she might be second guessing herself with her fragile mind.
He chuckled softly as he began speaking once more in a voice just above a whisper, “You really shouldn’t-“ He’d cut himself off; for during his bow his eyes roamed over the length of her body, enjoying the view until he noticed for the first time the amount of weight she’d gained, particularly around the middle. He recoiled immediately, and looking like a rattlesnake prepared to strike, he didn’t try to hide the look of disgust on his face. She was pregnant! Again! That was why he hadn’t smelled her around the territory as strongly as before. Did she think that having a legitimate littler with her mate made her less of a liar?
***** words: seven hundred thirty-three muse: high. notes: lets just say, I'm getting a lot better at posting faster. ^^
She hadn't heard the approach, too wrapped up in the whirling chaos of her own mind to pay much attention to anything. It wasn't until a voice cut through the stagnant silence that she learned she was no longer alone. The voice of the devil sprung forth to wrap itself around her, alluringly gentlemen like as it snaked its way around her throat with the intent to choke her senseless.
She turned then, the tears flowing freely as she gazed upon her tormentor. Denali looked old in that moment, like the elder she was slowly becoming. Her complexion was pale, washed out, the pristine cream furs of her pelt starting to gray around her muzzle. The lines around her eyes were creased, the hidden skin made dark from a lifetime of fear and sleepless nights. One ear hung limply at the side of her head, the other pulled back in horror. And her whole body seemed to sag with the weight of the world as well as the weight of her pups.
Her pups! The female inhaled sharply, pain suddenly searing through her abdomen. Wearily she took a step backwards, a step that brought her closer to the safety of the dens. Except the dens weren't safe at all... He was here. He was watching her. He was - was she going into labor? Her lower stomach seemed to contract, bringing with it waves of nausea. This wasn't right. Now was not the time. Not here! Not in front of him!
Denali tried to take another step back, fumbling this time. Her forelegs collapsed beneath her, unable to bear the weight of her pain. Just seeing him standing there before her had been enough to send her fractured mind into a frenzied state of horror. But now... now everything was much worse. The long of disgust on his face had sent a wave of fear through her, the sort of fear that only showed itself when she was worried for her life. At first she'd thought the site of him was simply making her ill. But what she was feeling now was much worse than the gut wrenching terror of the nightmares he caused. It was a familiar pain that plagued her, the sort of pain that split her in two physically as opposed to mentally. Atreyu shattered her mind; labor shattered her body.
The Tundra collapsed fully on the ground as more pain radiated from her core. The birth of her first litter had been difficult, yes, but Exodus had been there to reassure her throughout the process and make sure she did everything right. Then the pain had not been amplified by sheer terror. Then she would not have traded their lives in order to spare her own.
Now, however, giving birth was the farthest thing from her mind. It was a hindrance, something that could potentially cost her the lives of her pups and the life of herself. She wasn't ready to let them out into the world, and to do so here with no protection from the greatest evil in her life spelled certain doom. The pain of her contractions felt more like a death sentence than it did the miracle of birth. And all she could do was stare helplessly up at the one being she want permanently out of her life as she rolled onto her side, whimpering in agony at the unfortunate circumstances that defined her very exsistence.
