Post by koli on Mar 21, 2009 17:03:56 GMT -5
Koli was still trying to recover from his outburst, he could feel his heart pumping quickly, his veins felt as if they were going to explode. It was uncomfortable and painful, and Koli was surprised to find himself still standing. He'd not been this angry in such a long time, the words told to him by the Shawman of his old pack had often kept him at a relaticly calm state. If it weren't for her, he'd probably be dead by now. She'd helped him come out of the lan of the darkness, had taught him to look upon the world differently, had helped him get rid of his anger. But she'd never prepared him for feelings of love, and love lost. And now his father's teeth were once again upon him, and he was unable to control his anger. He felt guilty, he'd tried so hard to follow his Shawman's teachings. And now all of that training had gone to waste. What kind of an Alpha was he? He would never be a good Alpha if he continued like this.[/i]
As his thoughts rested upon the Shawman, he could almost picture her standing beside him, speaking words of advice to him. She had been more then the pack's Shawman to him, she had been a source of knowledge, a nurse, a carer... a second mother. After he'd killed his mother, the Shawman had often looked after him and had helped raise him. And suddenly, Koli found himself wishing to see her again. He'd never bothered to discover if she'd been okay after she had left. For all he knew, she could have left this world and become one with the earth. Her face had been so gentle... it was almost too painful to think her dead.
"Koli, you father is cruel, he is full of anger. But you do not need to be like him. He has stripped you away from the life you should have had, all so that you could become the next Alpha. And although it has caused you so much pain, you have grown into a fine wolf. And I am proud of you."
"What do you know? I am as cold and cruel as my father, I feel nothing but anger. Even here... now, I just want to howl and attack everyone around me. I hate it, I don't want to be like him."
"Koli, listen to me. You are not like him. Can't you see that?"
"You're right, I'm not like him... i'm worse then him."
"You're not, you are better then him, you are kinder then him. And you show potential to break free from this, you've admitted your problem, you often see your own faults and accept them. And that is something your father could never do."
"If father heard you saying such things, you would die"
"I'm sure you would defend me Koli, because you are good natured, remember, you have your mother within you aswell. And she saw you as I do. She would be proud of what you have become, and don't forget that. As long as you think of her and the sacrifice she made to keep you alive, then you shall never become like your father. Remember that, and you shall make a fine Alpha."
Shaking the memory out of his head, Koli felt a knot in his stomach as he felt himself become emotional. He missed the Shawman so much, and he missed his mother. Though he still believed that he had killed her, he reminded himself of the Shawman's words. "I'm not my father" He muttered to himself, closing his eyes and pushing away the darkness that was envoloping him. Finally calming himself down, he let out a sigh and looked towards his Beta. Smiling he looked at her through the fog, listening closely to her words. He was glad that he had not frightened her, he didn't want to push her away.
As she licked him, Koli was taken back and he growled, not in anger, but in confusion. He didn't know what to say or even think about what had happened. His heart was still broken from Athabasca. He didn't feel ready to forget her and move on, not until he had seen her again and had gotten his revenge. The action confused him greatly, was Tailise looking for something deeper in their relationship? The two had only just met. Then again, it had been the same for him and Athabasca. Growling once more, he looked at Tailise before turning away back to the two tresspassers. He needed to think about what had happened before making a decision.
Glad that the two had understood what he had said, he smiled and nodded. "Good" Koli looked over at Varken. His opinion of the wolf had dropped due to the wolf's earlier repetition of his excuse, his comment had sounded slightly mocking, and he was uncertain of the wolf's character. He hoped that he'd soon discover what it was, if these two did stay, he had to be sure he could trust them. "Tailise, can you check around the springs for other wolves. I noticed other scents. If they show a wish to stay, then allow them to stay the night. In the mean time, I shall take these two southward to the pack's den. Follow my scent so that you can find it. When you see strange stone buildings, you shall know that you have arrived." He tried to not think about what had happened between him and Tailise, he had to act as the Alpha right now, and the affection he'd been shown couldn't allow him to make mistakes.
Turning to the other two, he sighed and padded up to them. "I think it fair to introduce myself. I am Koli, and this is Haishin." His voice was a lot softer and calmer then it had been before, and he was glad that he had calmed down. "I apologise if I was a bit too harsh with you earlier, I hope it won't hinder you from wishing to join my pack." Making his way towards the den, he turned his head to the two and stopped. "Coming" Not waiting for an answer, he continued on his path, hoping that the two were wise enough to follow.
-EXIT KOLI-
[/blockquote]Post Complete
Words 1109
Comment Thought i'd give you all a nice big long one due to the fact that I took so long[/size]