Remember Everything [Private/Rain]

[Deleted]

“What exactly are you doing?” Wail asked Koder as she made her way over to him, her soft white skin reflected off into the moonlight. Her belly was swell indicating that it wouldn’t be long before the pups were due. It was an exciting time for the both of them. Wail rubbed herself up against Koder as he worked on moving together a little nest. “Ah, you are so sweet…but you know you don’t have to do that.” Wail said with a lovingly laugh. Her voice was sweet and pure, with a tint of mischief lingering behind.

“I just want them to be warm, what if it is cold?” Koder asked as he turned toward her, looking into her deep green eyes. Wail shook her head with a giggle as she pressed her body closer to him. He closed his eyes as he placed his head on top of hers. “I love you.” He whispered in her ear.

“Till the end of time,” Wail repeated smoothly with a smile. She lifted up her head and licked Koder’s cheek lovingly. Koder smiled down at her, he couldn’t even imagine being any happier than he was at this very instant.

The dream shattered into reality as Koder jolted up from the ground, panting. It was dark out and he was alone. He took deep sharp breaths as he tried to calm himself down. The nightmares were back and they were worse than they ever had been before. They were so vivid and real, he could feel Wail’s touch, her sent, could see her, could hear her…everything it was torture, because he knew she wasn’t there. Ever since that moment on the beach, he couldn’t escape from her. She was like a nightmare dragging her teeth into his heart and his brain and dragging him to hell. It was a sweet nightmare though, for as long as it lasted however. There were times he wished he could live in his fantasy world and never wake up. He felt guilty thinking that way. But, it seemed easier at times then continuing to live on.

Koder shook his head as he lay back down, but he knew there was no point in even trying, he wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep anytime soon. The memories that haunted him were pressing against him and he couldn’t shake it away. He closed his eyes and cursed at himself. It had been six months, but it still felt like it just happened yesterday. It was just as real then as it was now. He remembered the moment on the beach where he and Rain were listening to the waters as it crash in the sunrise. The moment where everything changed. He felt terrible for what he done, but it was different than before. He was also relieved to be away. It was best that he didn’t run into her anymore. She just caused him confusion and discomfort. No, that wasn’t true, but that is what he had to stick too, he had to keep thinking that, otherwise it would just be too hard.

Suddenly he heard a noise and turned his head around, his heart dropped in his stomach, as he saw who was standing right behind him.


Tag: Rain
Words: 543
OOC::

[Rain]

A black figure walked, camouflaging itself in the darkness of the beautiful Chamoru Plains. It was dark, and the wind was chilly. The wind began to dance like it always did in an eternal symphony with the music of the wind. The wind made the ebony wolfess's fur move softly and the stars and moon shone right above her, bathing her in pure, white light. Even if the night was beautiful, for the first time Rain was not enjoying it. The nights and days seemed longer than usual, and she felt alone. An unconscious anger was bubbling up inside of her, but at the same time, she was trying to keep it under control. She knew that whatever had happened to Koder, it must have been tough. She was just trying to help him, though, and his attitude was not helping at all. Rain's face was filled with different emotions, but the most prominent of them all was confusion.

As she walked, a shadowy figure could be seen among the moving grass that adorned the plains. At first, she was scared still. Due to the possibility of the wolf being a threat, she crouched instantly, hiding in the grass. Walking closer and sniffing the air, she came across a familiar scent. She knew who the scent belonged to, but she didn't want to accept it just yet. Walking even closer, she began to sniff again, and confirmed her fear... or hope. Lifting her body out of the refuge of the grass, she stood tall, but her confidence went to the ground again, instantly lowering her head in the process. Her heart was beating faster than ever, and her entire body was shaking. She was a nervous wreck right now, and she couldn't stop. Her mouth tensed, and her eyes were wider than ever. But she closed her eyes, gulped and took a deep breath, which helped her speak greatly. "Koder," she said, his name was like a bittersweet treat for her mouth. Taking a deep breath, she looked at him closely, hoping for the best.

ooc;; @koder I'm sorry I took so long ;w; I hope you like it love <33

[Deleted]

His heart dropped down in his stomach as he stared at his worst nightmare. This is not what he wanted. It was different before. Before he secretly wanted to see her again. He wanted to apologize. This was different. He didn’t want to see her. She was the last wolf he wanted to see. He wasn’t even sure what to say. He just looked away, hoping he was just imagining things and she would just disappear. He looked back up – but there she was. She was real, standing in front of him. Not some dream or hallucination. She was different as well. He didn’t know what to say to her. What could he say? He was surprised that she was even bothering to talk to her…but secretly he knew. He knew why she was here. Even if she was upset and angry at him (but who could blame her?) He knew that she wanted answers. That was obvious. It was different before because it seemed like a one-time thing. But this was the second time. Nor would it be the last.

“Hi…”

It was the only thing he could muster up to say. He didn’t even look at her right in the eyes. He was pathetic and weak. He was ashamed at himself for the way he was acting. He needed to man-up and tell her the truth. Tell her what was going on….and tell her that they couldn’t be hanging out anymore. He just couldn’t though. The worse were unable to leave his mouth. Instead he was acting like a pup that was just found out doing something wrong. He took a deep shallow breath as he finally titled his head up and for the first time looked Rain dead in the eyes. He needed to stop acting like a child. He was a prideful wolf and he wasn’t going to lose his dignity. Plus, Rain deserved it.

“Go ahead…ask me any question. I will answer it….honestly.” He spoke in a calm and collected voice, still looking at her in the eyes. He was secretly terrified of the question she would ask him. He wasn’t sure if he could answer, but he would at least try his best.


Tag: Rain
Words: 369
OOC::

[Rain]

A feeling of weightlessness entered Rain's body, and a numb sensation followed right after. Her legs were still holding her, but she felt like she was floating. Her head seemed lightweight, yet it was still capturing every painful moment, every second, every word that it could. Her eyes were filled with confusion, anger, and each tear hid a question. She knew that he would probably answer them, but she had no idea what to ask when he offered to answer. The first question that popped to her mind was about the wolf he mentioned in the beach. It was because of her that they couldn't hang out in peace, probably. There was something haunting him, and it seemed hard to overcome. She understood him, but she was tired of seeing him run away, even if they hadn't talked that much. There was something about Koder that attracted her, and she had no idea what.

It was probably that the things that seem the hardest and furthest away were the ones that caught her attention fully. She knew that he was an amazing wolf under all that pain and suffering. She just had to open him up... somehow. "Who was this female you spoke of?" she began to ask hesitantly, "...the one you loved?" Her head lowered unconsciously when she asked, her mind screaming, but her body was rigid and quiet, not moving, and her eyes were locked at Koder. Demanding, questioning... hoping, that everything would be alright. Her mouth opened to mutter one more question before returning to her previous silence. "...and why do you keep running away?" She looked at him, telling at him mentally that problems didn't get resolved by running away.

The only way to deal with problems is to deal with them, face to face.

ooc;; @koder I'm sorry I took so long sweetie! I was going to reply yesterday but I lost all my muse. I regained it back today. <3 I hope you like it!!

[Deleted]

Koder wasn’t surprised when Rain spoke so suddenly and wished to know who Koder spoke of. It was a normal curiosity and he was the one who said she could ask anything. There was no reason he could be mad at her. His first decision was to not tell her anything, but he knew that would be wrong, he knew that he couldn’t keep running forever. He took a deep breath as he shifted his weight; his emotions were getting the best of him. Thoughts and images were all shuffled in his mind. He wasn’t quite sure what to say, what was the right answer? How much did he tell? He felt his heart ache, he couldn’t spill everything, it would hurt too much…and for some reason he suspected that it would hurt Rain as well and he didn’t want that either. He cared for her. He turned his attention back to Rain as she stood there. He had been quiet for some time, but that wasn’t unusual and he was sure by now Rain knew that it often took Koder awhile to speak. He was cautious with his ways that would be out of character for him if he was to suddenly do something spontaneous.

“She…she was…” Koder started to speak in a slow and steady voice. “Someone that I used to know.” Those words were hard. She was part of the past. He would no longer hear her anymore. He could no longer touch her. He could no longer see her anymore. She was never going to come back. Yet, he still held on her so tightly as if she was just out hunting and she would be returning any minute. He knew that was wrong, but he couldn’t help it. It was all that he knew. He felt that if he let her go, he would lose his sanity and fall into the black abyss. He felt like only around Rain he could he truly be himself. “Someone that used to be very close to me, but not anymore.” He didn’t outright say she died, he couldn’t do that, and he wasn’t sure what kind of impression Rain would get from that answer, for it could mean many different things. He didn’t even say that they were mates. He knew that Rain probably expected more of an answer and she probably deserved it, but Koder couldn’t do it. There was already a lump in his throat and it was hard enough just to say what he did. He felt like he would break if he talked about it anymore.

“And I suppose because I am a coward,” he told her honestly when she asked why he kept running away, “I’m a no good coward. Not someone you should want to hang about.” He said. He expected her to hate him. He expected her to yell at him and tell him that she never wanted to see him again. She didn’t say any of those things. That did not make him feel better as you would expect, instead that just made him feel worse. He deserved to be yelled at. He was in no position to be forgiven by anyone. It was best if he just continued to be alone forever.


“I wouldn’t blame you if you turned around and walked away and wouldn’t want anything more to do with me.” Koder told her in a small and weak voice, for a split instant he showed his vulnerable side for the first time, to anyone, not even Wail got to see this side of him, but just as quick as it was there, it was gone. “After all I’m better off alone.”


Tag: Rain
Words: 614
OOC:: Feels so good to be back! <3 I was also kind of hoping that Rain couldn't quite figure out that the one he was talking about was a mate or that she was dead.  

[Rain]

All the anger and confusion that Rain was experiencing was slowly receding as Koder began to speak slowly, even hesitantly. She still didn't understand the reason behind his behavior, but her mother had taught her to be a great listener. Rain looked at Koder as he painfully spoke to her--whoever this wolf was must've been very important for him. She had to be very special. However, where was she now? Did she leave him for some reason? Did she disappear? Rain had no clue as of what happened to him, but whatever did happen must have taken a huge toll on Koder. Her heart began to ache for him, and her body was screaming at her to run to him, to nuzzle him and comfort him, and to tell him that everything was going to be okay. Her emotions began to shift, and so did her body language--from being mad and confused, her eyes and body screamed empathy and sadness, mixed with longing and understanding. 

He then began to speak again, and as he spoke, Rain's body began to fill with anger. How dare he say that he was better off alone? Rain lowered her head and then lifted it once more, and she let her body do what it wanted to do from the moment he began to explain--she walked towards him and nuzzled her head under his head, moving her body forward and then nuzzling his neck fur. "I see no reason for leaving you alone." She backed away so that he didn't feel uncomfortable with the embrace. She smiled at him and continued, "I am just worried for you, Koder. If you need to talk and tell me what you need to tell me to it let out, then tell me. I can and I will listen to you. I know how it feels to not have someone to talk to, so I am here." She smiled and sat down next to him, trying to let him understand that she was there no matter what.

However, her stomach interrupted the moment when it began to make a strong noise. She was very hungry, so she thought that she'd let him know. "Can... can we go and hunt something?" she said sheepishly and shyly, hoping that they would get something to eat soon...


ooc;; @koder sorry for the crappy reply;;;;;;

[Deleted]

Rain’s sudden words and movements caught Koder off guard. Her words alone left him speechless and even more so when she came over and nuzzled him. He felt his body grow strangely warm. He didn’t know what to do nor did he know what to say. He just stood there frozen. He didn’t understand. Why was she being so compassionate toward him after everything he had done? It wasn’t like she really knew him and yet she treated him so kindly and with patience. Not once did she yell at him or make him feel like crap for what he did. He’s not exactly sure what out of the two did he exactly want, but he knew what he deserved, but he didn’t say anything more because he didn’t want to upset her. Instead he decided that silence was the best option in case he said the wrong thing.


Then Rain broke the silence by saying she wanted to hunt. He let out a deep breath of relief because he wasn’t sure how long he could let the silence drag on before he felt like he had to say something to her. Koder nodded his head in agreement. He didn’t understand what was going on, but he enjoyed Rain’s company. It was comforting. It made him feel like he didn’t want to be alone. It was an almost scary thought. “That sounds like a good idea. It’s been awhile since I had a decent meal.” He told her. Wolves were always better in a pack and trying to hunt larger game as a loner, was almost impossible. Koder had been spending the longest time snacking on rabbits, mice, fish and other smaller creatures. The last time he had some of the good meat was a few months ago and that’s because he happened to stumble upon a carcass (although most of it had already been torn apart by buzzards).


“I’m sure we can find something somewhere,” Koder said as he turned and looked around the plains, “shall we go and see?” He asked her.




Tag: Rain
Words: 334
OOC:: Blah. not the best x.x

[Rain]

Rain understood that she had taken the best decision when she tried to change the subject. She didn't want Koder to feel depressed or anxious, and she didn't want to keep dragging the subject any longer. Apparently, he was close to someone very important to him, and she is no longer with him. She would find out eventually what happened to her, even if the curiosity was overwhelming--however, Rain knew when to stop. Yes, it hurt her that he kept leaving her alone, but she had to understand his struggles too. Even if she was desperately hoping that he would not do the same thing again, she kinda understood what was going on. Although not completely--she was not a psychic, so the true motives behind his behavior were known only to him.

 Nodding at the answer to her request to hunt, she began to walk around. There was tall grass here, perfect for hiding and for ambush, so it was easier to hunt if they could find some food. Sniffing the air around her, she began to pick up a faint scent trail of a group of deer. Her ears perked up immediately, and a smile began to form on her lips. "Koder! I think I smell a herd of deer, but they are a little bit farther up north. We should get going!" Her tail began to wag at the thought of food filling up her empty stomach. She knew that they both needed a great, full meal. She knew that it was hard to hunt alone, because wolves hunting alone cannot take down huge prey like they do when they are in packs. She began to think about how to knock down their prey, and what would they do when they found the herd. But, for now, almost jumping with excitement, she awaited for Koder's next move. 

ooc;; @koder