Here Goes Everything//Duchess|Castien

[Deleted]

He prayed the waves would wash his memories away. The light colored brute was at the coast of the seemingly never-ending water. He wondered how far one would have to swim until reaching another plot of land, he wondered if there were wolves there, too. He wondered if Tari-- No. There was no way. There was no way she could have survived. No one survived except him.. That he could see. It was hard to distinguish the bodies, but he refused to look for her dead body, that would not be his final memory of her. His heart ached for all that he lost, and he looking back, then he would have never thought he would be in another pack now. Looking back, he would take so much back, do so much more to stop what happened. But there was no going back, and that was what made this first step so hard. Starting a new life, with new wolves, all made this so real. Solidified this horrible, damned reality he wished he could escape. The last time he saw her was burned in the back of his mind, as much as he tried to cover it up, cover her up, he couldn't. He went back there all the time, to that day. To the last time he saw her. 'I'd go back and change it if I could.. But I can't. I'm sorry...'

He dipped his head and looked for his reflection in the water, he wasn't the same wolf not that he was then. So much could be changed in a second, he didn't think about it before. He even looked different, like he was thrown into someone else's life and his own was taken away. He snarled and pawed his reflection angrily, sending mini-waves in all directions and small droplets of water to his left as he looked away, disgusted with what he saw in the water. He hated himself, he realized. He had no idea how to change that or how to get himself back.. He sighed, releasing the frustration that had built up in the past few minutes. Everything was just so... Supernatural. Unreal. How did he get here?

He closed his eyes, feeling the waves kiss his paws and he had to admit.. It was very relaxing, almost relaxing enough to make him forget all his troubles. Almost. He listened to his heart beating and the pounding of water on water as the waves collided with the surface and he could almost muster up the confidence to take the first steps to rebuild his life. He knew he had the strength in him physically, but mentally, emotionally... Well, he wasn't so sure. He needed something to live for again, something to push him along. Maybe this pack thing was exactly what he was looking for. He could only hope. 'Here goes everything.'

[duchess]

Life in a pack, Duchess was quickly, was far different from any she'd lived before. When she had roamed the preservation they had been divided by family lines. Your company was your blood kin. And during hard times the humans were there to help, providing meet to scavenge, encouraging matings, and caring for young when a mother was unfit or one of the pups took ill. And then she had been abandoned on Anikira a year ago, left to fend only for herself. Her successes and failures to procure food affected only her own well-being and social relationships mattered less. She was a loner, alone, and no one cared whether she would live or die.

Now, however, she was living with others again. But unlike in the human lands she was also living for others. There were no shortcuts or cheap tricks that would help ensure survival. She was facing the difficult realities of loner life with a family now. They may not have been blood related but they had taken her in and given her a home. Now she wanted to pay them back; now she wanted to be useful.

After all, a pack was only as strong as its members. Duchess would admit physical strength was not one of her more notable characteristics. She was a small wolf, lean and slender. Raw power wasn't exactly something she had been born with, and even if she had the year alone had taken much of her strength. Though she tried to stay groomed there was no denying that she was a little underweight.

She was determined to be helpful though. Given her size and skill set there was only one way she knew how. Though not a very good huntress, she did know how to catch enough food to keep herself alive. She had been living off small game for a while now. So long as she wasn't too ambitious and stuck to what she knew how to catch on her own, maybe she could bring back enough meat to feed one or two of the pack. She would have to be taught how to be more functional during a group hunt, but for now, she was sure, this would do.

Thus, Duchess padded along the sands of Issimor. A seagull hung limply from her jaws, a feather falling off here and there and dancing behind her as she walked. Thus far it had been all she'd managed to catch but she was not yet ready to give up. As soon as the flock no longer perceived her as a threat and landed, she would try again. Until then she was planning to stay away from the dead fish that had attracted them.

But as she continued down her path a familiar male came into view. Her ears pulled back slightly out of shyness, her pace slowing tenfold. He was the one who had requested to join the same time she had. For a brief moment she wondered why he was staring so forlornly at the sea. Then her nerves got the better of her and her gaze dropped to the ground. She felt like she was intruding on something private and wasn't meant to be here. Unfortunately, she wasn't sure which way to turn to make a quick escape. She was caught like a deer in headlights, a limp bird in her mouth and confusion muddling her brain. A soft whimper tumbled from her maw.

[Deleted]

He tried to blocked out the noise of the seagulls in the distance, spooked by something, though he was unsure of what that was particularly he found himself unbothered by not knowing. He did put up an extra guard, just in case the spooker was a danger to him, as well. His mind immediately went to the brute he had met earlier, his golden eyes burned into his memory. And he was so big... His golden paws easily overpowering Castiel's own. But that wasn't why he remembered him then, his golden eyes were not shining like the sun, but they were cold, completely opposite of what they should have been. There was something very off about that wolf and Castien couldn't shake the feeling that that wouldn't be the last time he would see that massive wolf and he was afraid the next time he would see him would not be pleasant to any degree.

But, if that time did come around he would refuse to be spooked like those seagulls. He would protect his new family with every ounce of his being if it came down to it.All his life he had been defending his pack as much as his alpha would allow, obviously not enough. And he would give even more to Airila, he wouldn't let history repeat in his new life.

The water was getting colder this time of year, and his paws were becoming numb, his eyes sprung open and he quickly removed himself from the water. How long had he been sitting there day-dreaming? There was a soft movement to his right and he quickly recognized Duchess standing not too far down the coastline. She looked confused, or unsure. Maybe scared? She was carrying something, white and feathery. A bird. She had caught herself a meal. He instantly felt self-conscious. She was obviously uncomfortable around him, but she seemed to be that way around anyone, as if her trust level for others was unusually low. But if she was really all that distrusting of others than why would she join a pack? He wasn't about to ask her.

But if it was him she was so uncomfortable around, then she would have to get used to being around him at some point, and him her, as well. With that he left his head and slowly meandered toward her, carrying himself in the most non-threatening away possible, he did not want to scare her off. She was a mess, and by that he meant she was terribly underweight and fairly ungroomed. But she also had a certain beauty to her that shone with such modesty that calmed Castien's mind and relaxed him more than the lapping water. He lowered his head and front legs into a bow, a respectful greeting.

His jaws parted slightly, breathing in her scent, but it was overpowered by the seagull in her maw. "Uhh.. Hello, Duchess." He must've sounded stupid to her, but he kept going. "Dinner time already?" he asked, motioning to her catch with an impressed smile. Birds with their wings were surprisingly difficult to catch at times. His tone was soft, knowing how fragile the situation was. He didn't want to scare her off or make her feel more uncomfortable than he knew she already was. He was harmless, but she didn't know that. He saw all the conclusions the rest of the pack drew from him. Especially Spirit. But Duchess was so withdrawn from the rest of the group he was unsure if she even remembered his name.

[duchess]

He moved to come closer, catching sight and scent of her. Duchess watched him with cautious eyes. Reason told it that it was okay, that she was safe, that nothing bad would happen. Instinct, however, still operated from the perspective of a loner. It told her to be wary and get ready to flee.

Her own head dipped low, a chill running down her spine. Some small part of her wanted to blame the cold temperatures and her lack of a winter coat (for it had only just started to grow). She knew, however, that deep down it was caused by her own nerve and insecurities. She was uncomfortable not because this male was a threat but because she herself knew not how to respond. She wasn't used to interacting with others. As such, she worried terribly about what they thought of her. She didn't want to disappoint anyone or act inappropriately or say the wrong thing. She worried about it all entirely way too much.

Shyly she laid down her kill with more tenderness than prey was often granted. Then she looked at him with her large eyes, watching him from her own submission position. Though her ears had been pulled back her body language showed less fear than when they had first met. She was slightly more comfortable in one-on-one situations. "Castien..." Her own greeting was soft, almost difficult to hear over the gentle lapping of the waves. It was the best she could manage, however, given how unsure she was.

"I was just..." Her voice trailed off. How was she supposed to answer his inquiry? She hadn't been hunting for herself. But she also wasn't ranked as a hunter, at least not yet. Had her actions been inappropriate? Had she jumped the gun and been wrong for taking it upon herself to try and catch a little food? She could feel her embarrassment flushing the skin beneath her fur. Her eyes dropped to the ground. "Trying to be useful..."

[Deleted]

How long had it been since she had last been in a pack? Sure, he grew up in a pack, so his current situation was the closest to home he could get, but he was... Rusty. He wasn't with wolves he had known since birth. He was with strangers, so as awkward as it was to to talk to these strangers, they were his family now. It was time for him to start making friends. He lifted himself from his own submissive position as she bowed her head in a respectful greeting. He watched her, oh, so gracefully lay down her prey with the gentleness of handling a pup and he tried to hide a smile. She was so pleasant to be around, so different to the hustle and bustle of his old pack and the aggressiveness of his old packmates. Although, it was a different that he liked very much. Then, she lifted her large eyes toward him. Their color reminded him of honey and he instantly was filled with the warm, sweet taste.

He had only tasted honey once when him and couple of his packmates chased one off the territory, leaving a bee's nest on the ground. It had been deserted by most of the bees and Castien was curious what all the fuss was about for a bear to face hundreds of livid bees for. He poked his nose in and took a small lick. The honey was so sweet and warm, he would never forget that taste. He longed to taste it again, but knew it most likely would never happen.

"Castien.."

The sound of his name pulled him from his thoughts, quiet and soft but enough to break him from his distraction. Had he been gazing stupidly at her honey-eyes? He blinked away his thoughts about the bear and honey, though he still felt that sweet-warm sensation. telling himself it was from the memory, his eyes brightened. She remembered his name! And though she still seemed uncomfortable, she was by far less afraid than she was earlier. She was no longer shaking, beside the occasional shiver from the cold wind. And she held herself with more confidence than when he first met her with the others. He tensed his paws, he could feel them again as if her honey-eyes had sent the warm-sweet sensation to his paws and warmed them right up. In fact, his entire body was warm again. How strange.

She began to speak, starting to say she was just... Then she stopped, her body beginning to show signs of embarrassment and Cas braced himself, surely it was something he said. His attempt at joking had gone terribly wrong. When she finished with 'trying to be useful.' He felt even worse. But he pushed his bad feelings aside and tried one more time. This time he let the smile dance across his muzzle and he let out a small chuckle. "Well, I guess that's more than I can say for myself.." While he had been sitting here feeling bad for himself, Duchess had been out hunting for the pack. "Nice catch, mind if I join your hunt? We could bring home enough food for the entire pack, if you'd like.. I kind of have a big mouth." He let playfulness twinkle in his eyes, trying to lighten the mood and make her feel more comfortable.

He suddenly was reminded about his own hunting skills. They weren't that great. Certainly, he could survive off what he could hunt, but he was more of a fighter than a hunter. He opened his mouth to forewarn her of his talent-less-ness, "But, let me just say.. I'm not much for a hunter. But, I'll help as much as I can. That is, if you'll have me."