[joining] in the end

[Deleted]

Was this where it would always end? Would she always end up in such an unhappy setting that she would revert to the thing that originally caused her pain? She was not a pack wolf, as that had been proven. She had killed her own packmates when they turned on her, tore apart her baby sister, who wasn't even really her sister. She had little idea why that female adopted her, took her in after slaughtering the entire pack she was born into, parents included. Why did they save her, keep her? Was it so they could groom her into something into this...monster? She was a murderer, as far as she was concerned, and she didn't have any defense against that. They betrayed her, turned on her, and tried to hunt her. She hunted first. Was that considered self defense? Or was it just murder? She honestly didn't know, but every fiber in her being leaned towards the latter. She had steeled herself, accepted it.

Acceptance. That was an incredibly hard thing for her to come by, mostly because of how she was. Any secret she held deep within herself remained there, never to see the light of day again. She intended to keep it that way. Her emotional hardening seemed to have happened after everyone found out about her being adopted. She didn't understand why that made them hate her so much, but she knew it was what turned her into this, whatever it was that she was now. She hardly knew herself anymore, hardly capable of bringing any emotion that was positive to the table. She was not a likable creature, and of that she was well aware. She didn't enjoy making friends because people got hurt when they were around her. It always happened. To her sister, to her packmates, and even to the male she once believed she loved so dearly. She had convinced herself that wolves needed to prove themselves before she could fully trust them. She supposed that was what the pack setting was for.

Serynia stood there, patiently and quietly at the border. She could smell the reek of the freshly marked lines mere paw steps away, meaning someone was very well nearby and capable of accepting her or at least welcoming her to the lands before an authoritative figure showed up. The Mackenzie Valley femme would not make small talk unless she had to. She was not one for it and the last friend she had tried to make ended up threatening to throw her into the ocean. Her mind momentarily wandered off to Teivel and his striped friend, Ekon. She mused at where they could be, but reminded herself that she did not care for the asshole and returned to the focus at hand. What was she supposed to do exactly? She had been born into one pack, raised in another. She had seen lone wolves join her old pack before. They did such by howling at the borders, summoning a wolf powerful enough to grant them admittance.

Her ears twitched a moment, then flattened tightly against her head as her muzzle tipped back. Her lips cracked open and the sound flowed out, loud and hollow. It felt empty, like a lonely creature. She was one, not that she would admit it. But she called. Called for someone to come to her, asked for them as nice as she knew how. When she cut the call off, she sat back on her haunches and waited patiently. She wondered what she would be able to do for this pack. Her silver eyes flicked up at the clouds floating overhead, shadowing the late afternoon sun. What use was she, a murderer? Would they even let her in? They did not know her, did not know what she had done and perhaps that was what she had been aiming for. Acceptance. It was hard to come by, after all. In the end, she knew damn well she sought it out. Because it sure as hell never found her.

[Deleted]

The Alpha male had roamed safely away from the others, he was growing bored with the length of the day. Had the brute been able to drift into slumber he likely would have; yet, it seemed the darkness behind closed eyelids was not going to grant him rest. His large paws supported the male's large weight while hazed over blue optics pranced across the terrain. His mind was distancing itself from his body once more, leaving his physical being a hollow shell. Somehow he managed to hold himself quite rigid, unmoving as if he were merely a statue of the canine that he so worshipped. A part of that religion was his own narcissism, him being god within himself. A quiet laugh caught the air and startled the brute significantly. He had hardly realized that the sound had departed his own muzzle. Growling slightly the Alpha pressed himself forward again, to move away from any that may have witnessed his prior actions.

His trek had not taken him much farther when another sound snatched up the attention of his audits. This time Belial was certain the noise was not his own, rather it was a loner who seemed to be calling out for him specifically. A slight smirk appeared momentarily upon his features, before it dissipated. Paws quickened their pace against the ground, 'it seems I do know all, otherwise I would not have been heading in that direction already.' His tail gave a slight wiggle in his own inner happiness, before it lay limply behind him on his trot. The Alpha was in little hurry, hoping to attach his mind and body completely before meeting this newcomer. From the sound of it, she was only a few minutes away. That comforted him to know that he did not need to rush across the entire island in hopes of greeting the loner before they opted to simply wander about. A few strands of fur bristled at the mere concept of a flawed creature meandering throughout Ina'mos. The Kenai brute had sworn to protect his entire pack and he held little doubt about his own capability.

Frosted optics landed upon the femme and with a few lengthy strides, the Alpha stood tall before her. His paws stopped his forward motion a polite distance away, near enough for them to converse; however, it was far enough that neither one of them had their personal space invaded. Paranoia guided the Kenai male to an extent, he knew that when strangers became close to him, without his consent, he tended to become irritable and potentially violent. Putting this female on edge was not on his mental list of things to do today. Rather, he was quite please that this femme was alone and had opted to call for him. His mind was filling with intrigue, few had summoned him without the prodding of another pack member. It made sense to him though, he was highly territorial and did not tolerate betrayal. It was best for others to speak their intentions from the beginning instead of attempting to disguise them.

Crania lowered itself slightly in greeting to the loner, appreciation for her calling still coursed throughout him. "Greetings, I am known as Belial, the Alpha of these lands. I do believe you requested my presence?" Despite his normal demeanor, the Kenai was surprisingly in a rather content mood. Currently he had no reason to believe this femme to be a physical threat to himself and she did not seem up to no good. 'First impressions may deceive you,' the voice inside of him was brooding, one that was undoubtedly in charge. He was no fool and even if this femme tried, he would not succumb to any of her sinful ways. Should she seek purity, he would grant it. Audits pressed themselves forward upon his skull, awaiting to accept her words. Perhaps his first impression was that of a gentleman; perhaps it was all a part of Belial's master plan - should he ever discover what that was. It seemed all lengthy quests had been completed for the time and he was merely bringing those from the shadows into the warming rays of heaven.

"What is your name, Madame?" he found it terribly informal not to know what this she-wolf called herself. There was no trace of doubt in his mind that she would refuse to answer. If the femme despised her name or simply wished not to tell him, then she would likely make one up. Although, Belial would not be pleased when he trapped her within such a lie. Honesty was extremely important when it came to keeping Ferus safe. Sapphire optics observed the terrain surrounding them briefly, then rested upon her figurine once again. It took all of his control not to stare so intently upon her that he could see her soul; yet, the brute knew how others often reacted to such things. Dealing with an argument seemed slightly unpleasant with his humor being so pleasant today. Perhaps something beneficial would come from this.

[Deleted]

i tried so hard and got so far
but in the end it doesn't even matter

SERYNIA

images flashed through her head, blending and painting themselves into one seamless dream, almost in an ethereal manner. everything had seemed so surreal up until this point, and she knew she needed a place to stay, a place to make everything permanent. she wasn't one to seek these things out and wasn't overly sure of what to make of even trying it. serynia was a loner by heart, it seemed, even when she'd had her old pack in those old lands, but they had not been her family, and in turn her heart turned to stone. not even the ocean that carried her here had managed to chip away at it and she was afraid to even let it happen, so she guarded it as though it were a precious stone to be stolen instead. it was breakable, she was breakable, and it almost scared her to bother joining a pack. but she needed to. as much as she disliked others and often showed this, she hated the feeling of loneliness. it was just so empty.

her mind wandered further, thinking of what she could offer to this pack if they chose to accept her. hunting was of no issue to her, but everyone could do that, there were just those that proved better at it than most. what was she good at? she could fight; she'd done so several times and had survived with nothing more than a few scratches in this area. Loners seemed to enjoy picking fights. Then again, she probably wasn't the most hospitable creature on the island, so that was an understandable point of things. She would do her best at this point not to piss off any figure of authority here. She wanted a pack and she would get herself one, she just needed to figure out how to be nice to others. Her so-called mother had seemed quite talented at that, she just had to remember how to pick up on it. Was it even possible for her to do that? She hadn't even smiled in ages.

The sudden presence of the male grabbed her attention and she mentally shook herself out of her reverie. For a moment, her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth and she found herself without words. "...Afternoon, Belial, a pleasure to make your acquaintance." She gave a pause to her speech, thinking quickly of something to say. She was by no means intending to bring harm to the pack in any form. She came to the realization that she didn't know how to handle any of this. She had never joined a pack. She had been born into one, taken from it, and thrown into another. "I have asked of your presence so that I may seek entry into the pack." Another pause, almost hesitantly adding, "That is, if there is room for another."

Serynia was unsure how to function properly in a pack, but she could easily learn through observation. She tended to be the awkwardly silent lump of fur to sit in the background and watch everything else happen. She was content with doing such a thing, even if it had made her feel estranged in the past, but what else was new? She was not quite suited to work properly in certain situations. She wanted to learn and get over the shortcomings, and maybe manage to make a friend. "My name is Serynia, sir." Her tone felt dead, cold, as hard as she attempted to make it seem something other than that. There was just no feeling on the outside. Maybe there was in some pocket of the stone heart she carried, tucked away in a some dark corner. Wherever it was, it must have been a very small hole.


"serynia speaking" - #8B755C
"serynia thinking"
"others speaking"
END HERE

WORD COUNT: 000 | TAGGED: name
NOTES: words

i had to fall to lose it all
but in the end it doesn't even matter