[rasalas] is it too late to apologize?

[Deleted]

grew up in a small town and when the rain would fall down
i'd just stare out my window, dreaming of what could be and if i'd end up happy

AOWYN

Aowyn picked at the moss furiously with her teeth and claws, tearing it from rocks and tree roots of which they grew. She did not so much mind the dirt-like taste in her mouth, having grown accustomed to it in the last few hours while she padded a small area in the caverns behind her. Her swollen belly rocked her balance off slightly as she dug at the moss. It was very soft as she carried it back across the small creek and into the caverns of which she was making a den of sorts. No, it was a den, she was sure of that. The Virak Caverns felt safe to her, secluded and well blocked off so she could birth her puppies and keep them there in peace while they grew. At this point, she felt the date was coming close, she felt like the puppies would be here soon, like they'd come any day, so she needed to prepare. While the thought even now excited her, her mind was racing, and she had once been afraid of this.

Running away had not been her smartest idea in the world and she honestly wondered what Rasalas would have to say to her, but she had busied herself with preparing the den, with laying down all of this moss in a rather small pocket within the labyrinth of the cavern that stretched on and on. She would have stayed in the caverns in the Occasus, but they were too warm and she instantly feared overheating of her pups. Besides, these caverns were close to the water, which meant a drinking and food supply. She had slipped off after that meeting, all intentions of preparing for birth, but probably more as a distraction to herself. She was fearful of the confrontation with Rasalas. As much as she adored him, cared for him, and wanted nothing more than to try and make everything better, she felt absolutely horrible for running away as she had done. The male didn't deserve that.

She stepped carefully in the stones that littered the mouth of the caverns, soon swallowed up by the shadows it created, taking a moment to allow her eyes to adjust to the darkness. The floor of the cavern smoothed out and her nails clicked against it as she walked to the small pocket she had chosen as a den. It was rather secluded and part of her felt bad about that, but she couldn't help but feel it was the safest, farthest from everyone else, farthest from the closest harm that could come to the beloved living beings that were resting in her belly at that moment. She followed her own scent line back to where her small den awaited, tucked in between two walls. The passage going through was somewhat narrow and the stones, while only a little sharp, barely grazed her sides. It was one of those moments where she was not so disappointed in her tiny stature, where she appreciated being the run, even if being so small had made it hard to carry the pups.

Aowyn stepped into her small den. It was dark and rather hard to see, but it was big enough to fit at least four pregnant hers. She took a few steps and felt the moss she had already laid down, stuck in some places with a few sticks from bushes so it would keep its form. She dropped the mass of moss in her mouth into the center of the nest, pressing it down with her paws, creating an indent, the edges raised slightly. It would keep any curious pups from wandering over the edge of the nest and slipping off. As she padded it and prodded it, her mind began to wonder how many there would be. Boys or girls? Maybe just girls? Or boys. One, two, three, four? It was all so exciting to her all of a sudden, but still terrifying. She didn't know what to expect and no one had been there to tell her what was to happen, what she was supposed to do.

The red femme's eyes had adjusted to the light and she gave a slight yawn, looking at her handiwork. It wasn't overly clean or perfect, but it would serve it's purpose. She wasn't looking forward so much to the rumored pains she would go through, but she didn't even know what was going on. She wondered about Scout, if she would call him when labor began. She didn't even know when labor would begin. Soon, she could tell that much, feel it coming. Though, at this point, she was still more concerned about where Rasalas had gone off to, hoped he wasn't that angry at her. She did want to talk to him, was afraid to be yelled at. She did feel absolutely horrible. She had done a very stupid thing, and she had accepted and admitted that. She sincerely wanted to apologize to him, attempt to amend any bad feelings in between them. She hoped there weren't any. But...she spent that night with him, turned out pregnant, and then ran off. Without warning. Her head hang slightly; he never deserved this.


"aowyn speaking" - #FFC1C1
"aowyn thinking"
"others speaking"
END HERE

WORD COUNT: 000 | TAGGED: @rasalas
NOTES: I hope this is all right, but I can change it if you want. I figured this could turn into the birthing thread once the fifteenth comes around, since I know we're both busy and it may take some time to get replies done.

i'll spread my wings and i'll learn how to fly
i'll do what it takes til i touch the sky

[Deleted]

The Alpha blinked his golden optics a few times, the world was still confusing to him. Now his love had returned to Tassos and claimed she was carrying his puppies. His mind was torn between joy and distrust. Certainly, he still cared greatly for the female - but what if she ran off again? There was the possibility that this was all simply some well thought out lie, right? Stomping his front paws against the ground, the brute opted to go searching for the huntress. Perhaps it was creepy, but he had been keeping close tabs on her lately in an attempt to ensure her safety. Despite the hurt she had inflicted upon him, Aowyn was still under his greatest protection. She had stolen his heart in a way he never believed possible and now could be giving him a family. The thought was absolutely dizzying to the poor canine, but of course she had vanished to be alone again. It was likely because she was preparing her den, but Rasalas couldn't help but feeling slightly offended. He had offered to help her, but she had likely not wanted such assistance because she felt remorseful about the entire situation. Even after the past several weeks, he wanted nothing more than for her to be beside him. Although, right now the Alpha was likely not showing it very well.

Nostrils flared in search for her scent, she was not going to be getting very far from him. With how close to birthing she was, Rasalas was confident that he could locate her quickly. It seemed that they likely still needed to discuss matters more privately anyway. Conversations had been short and rather vague since her return, perhaps that was his own fault. The Alpha had not been overly certain of how to act now that the female was back and safe. Was he still supposed to care for her? Did she truly care for him or was this situation just a good place for her to be? Growling lightly, the male paced forth, he was convinced that she would be around here somewhere. He could simply not comprehend how he managed to get himself into these situations. 'Why am I drawn to those that only wish to hurt me?' Water threatened to fill his vibrant eyes, but the brute shielded them tightly for a moment. This weakness was only for him to know about, the pack needed him to be strong and guide them. This was pathetic. He was pathetic. That was his life, a delightful combination of weakness and shitty situations; but, he would make the best of these cards he was dealt. That was all there was to do he supposed.

A grin appeared over his muzzle, 'she is over there.' Her scent had graced his senses and instantly the brute's soul lifted slightly, even a small wag set pace over his tail. Quickly he moved towards the darkness, hoping that soon he would be sharing her company. 'What if she had the pups already?' Shivers crept over his spinal column, the puppies would speak for themselves on if they belonged to him. Himself and Aowyn and many similar traits, it would be apparent if they weren't his - right? The Alpha attempted to reassure himself as he moved slowly into the darkness. Once he had entered, his paws halted in order to let his yellow eyes adjust to the dim lighting. Cautiously, he sniffed about the entrance; his mind was concerned that she had another canine there. But no other scents collided with hers, with a soft sigh he coaxed himself to move forward. It did not take more than a few moments before he caught a glimpse of her shadowy silhouette.

"Hello, Lady Aowyn. Do you need any assistance?" his voice was stiff, making it apparent that the brute was slightly nervous about how to act and what to say around her. He had not felt this strange when speaking with her before, the anxiety from before was different than this. Before he had been full of hope and excitement for the passionate feelings flooding his veins. Now, it was simply ill heartbreak coursing within. Gazing away from the beautiful femme, the red brute set to digging his paw around against the ground. This was nothing more than a feeble attempt to distract himself from the inner hurt; Rasalas knew not if he could ever overcome this. All of a sudden he was going to be a father, and there were only a few more days to prepare! Once again, a female had taken his world and flipped it upside down. 'Maybe she is different than the others,' he still could not relinquish the small threads of hope for their future.

[Deleted]

grew up in a small town and when the rain would fall down
i'd just stare out my window, dreaming of what could be and if i'd end up happy

AOWYN

she felt her swollen stomach rock slightly as she moved, pressing at the decently sized nest with her paws. The movement didn't hurt that much, but even she wasn't quite so accustomed to having to carry around something nearly the size of her. Her heart beat for the puppies within, every one of them; while she didn't know how many, her stomach was large enough for more than one, right? she prayed so. she was incredibly excited, albeit slightly terrified considering it was the first time, and could hardly wait for her babies to become part of this planet with her. With them. Rasalas and the pack, too. She wondered how many were aware of her pregnant status, and part of her honestly didn't care, because they were all bound to find out soon, especially with the due date so close. it crossed her mind on how they would know. Would Rasalas call a meeting for it, or just go around to spread the news? Surely he wouldn't leave her side too soon, right? Even if she had disappeared to be alone in order to prepare her den, chosen mostly for its safety aspects and the creek right near it, she disliked being along and wanted him there with her, as painfully awkward as interaction had been the last several days.

Aowyn felt completely rotten for what she had done. Running away like she had... It was definitely something she would do, something she was rather notorious for among certain people, and now here. would she be known more for her running away or more for something better than that? running away was what she did, her instantaneous reaction to whenever something went wrong in her head. Honestly, and she knew it, Rasalas didn't deserve that kind of thing, not from her or from anyone else. He had been so kind and compassionate towards her, but she had let her fear get the better of her and had done the worst thing possible to him. She adored him, cared so much for his entire being, yet she felt as though she had entirely failed him, caused him so much more pain than he ever deserved to go through. She didn't want to cause him pain and often, at least now, wondered if it would have been better in the first place to not stumble upon the Occasus at all. She didn't regret coming, or the pups, but she hated to think that she could cause him pain.

As small as the den was, she could smell him before she heard or saw him, and the mere scent coming from his pelt caused her heart and blood to race. Her tail instantly lifted and began wagging, showing off her excitement for him merely being there. While their reunion had not been the one she had been expecting, she certainly could understand why. She doubted he would want to run at her with two massive brutes on either side of her. Her sides ached slightly and the wagging of her tail slowed. There were a few aches and pains coming with the swollen belly, but that was to be expected, right? Did that mean they were coming soon? She assumed as much, not thinking she could get any fatter than she was. "Rasalas..." They needed to talk, they really did, but she didn't know how or where to start, so she focused on his question, glancing back at the nest. "Uhm...a l-l-little more moss w-wouldn't hurt, i-if y-you don't m-mind, of c-course..." She didn't want to bother him more than she already had, but he came to her, so that meant he didn't mind it, right? She honestly had no clue. Clearly, the relationship ordeal was not her forte.

Aowyn shifted on her paws lightly, pressing them into the dirt that lined the cave. This couldn't be how this remained. She didn't want it that way. She wanted to be able to talk to him, to ensure everything was all right, but she refrained for a moment, knowing if she started then she wouldn't stop. The femme was very well aware of her tendency to ramble, and she attempted to restrain herself, but couldn't help it. "I'm s-s-sorry..." It was a start, but she rambled, and perhaps nothing she was going to say would mean anything at all. "I j-j-j-just...I f-f-found out a-and g-g-got sc-scared..." Terrified. Why had she been so scared? he would never hurt her, or the infants, and she knew that. "I d-d-didn't kn-know how t-t-to handle it, s-so...I...I d-d-did what I al-always do: r-r-run away..." She felt the tears press at her eyes and she didn't care if they fell down into her fur or onto the ground. Her breathing had increased and become slightly jagged, skin hot as she attempted to explain herself, to apologize. "Why d-did I r-r-run away...? Th-that was s-so st-stupid of m-me... So st-stupid..." Was he looking at her? She didn't know, her eyes were on the ground; she was embarrassed and hot and completely at a loss. Rambling too. "I'm s-s-s-so s-s-sorry.... I...I...I r-ramble..." Yeah, she did that a lot.


"aowyn speaking" - #FFC1C1
"aowyn thinking"
"others speaking"
END HERE

WORD COUNT: 000 | TAGGED: @rasalas
NOTES: Aowyn rambles from time to time. <3

i'll spread my wings and i'll learn how to fly
i'll do what it takes til i touch the sky

[Deleted]

The Alpha's tongue felt tied into a tight knot, the tension nearly burning the air around him. For the life of him, the Alpha could not recall why he had let his heart run away with the russet femme before him. She would never know the pain and torture he endured while she was away; yet, he would never understand her's either. With his entirety, he wanted to be with her again - to let her see just how much he did care! But, Rasalas had grown distant to the world, forcing himself to detach from the pain inside. There was no reason for him to believe that she would stay, although he desperately wanted her to. After all, she had risked her life and the pups' by running away, but that was a better decision than staying within Tassos. 'Am I so cruel that I have driven all those I adore away?' The male turned his muscular figure away from Aowyn, his gaze needed to fall elsewhere temporarily. If he continued to observe her then he would never be able to clear his mind. It was a struggle to do what was best for him and do what was best for the mother and unborn pups at the same time. Selfishness was growing within him and the brute felt sorrowful for such a thing. He had wanted to be an amazing mate and father, but he was not positive that he was capable of being those things anymore. A piece of his soul had died and he feared that it could never be revived.

The Alpha had spent days pondering over his past, attempting to connect all of these unfortunate events together. There had to be a common factor between all of these disappearing females! He refused to believe that these situations were mere coincidences that were out of his control. There had to be something he was doing wrong to spawn such a dark cloud to lurk above him. With a soft sigh, he forced himself to face the pregnant one again. Golden eyes were hazed over with nothingness, an obvious guard for something lurking beneath the surface. On occasion a glimmer of the deepest pain would flick throughout the warm amber, chilling the typically comforting hue. His heart beat for his pack family, but Aowyn seemed to drive his existence. And the longer the games continued the more distant the red brute and his sanity became. For the first time in months, Rasalas was becoming afraid that he was going to lose control.

Audits half heartedly flicked as the female began to ramble off her apologies and how this situation was entirely her fault. The Alpha had other opinions on this subject though. Clearly he caused this problem by allowing himself to become excessively attached to the femme. 'I should have simply taken what I wanted,' his thoughts rang out dark and malicious, such lusty - demonic - thoughts had not been dominant for a long time. His life had been spent perfecting his exterior to shield away the demons behind his eyes. All the Alpha had wanted was to gain acceptance from someone, but he failed to see that the femme truly did care. Fear. Rasalas believed himself more of a coward than any other canine he knew. He feared the abandonment that continued to destroy his fragile mental state. Although Aowyn had run off, Rasalas could not claim that he blamed her. There was a likely chance that he would have done the same thing in her situation, except he would not have returned. The Alpha was prepared to live alone all the time, even though the male desired companionship. The brute attempted a slight smile towards the femme, struggling to show her that he did care about her. He wanted to accept her apology, but knew not if his heart could completely forget.

Gazing away from the femme, as he felt unable to hold eye contact and speak to her, he prepped himself to begin the conversation. "You are not stupid, you were afraid." he gave a slight chuckle, at himself more than her. He was the one who felt like a moron for allowing his past and current fears to drive him; yet, he still told Aowyn otherwise. He did not believe that there were any bad qualities about her, merely ones about him that she could not tolerate. At least that is how he currently felt. "Fear is a strong emotion, it can drive one to do strange, crazy things." his tone fell blank with his last statement. Her verbal dagger had penetrated throughout his heart, nearly crippling the Alpha. 'Is it me she fears or the growing pups within her?' Rasalas could not imagine that being a mother had brought about such fear within her, it had to involve him in some way. It simply could not be something so irrational, most femmes would have loved to be a mother - especially with a brute they knew would stick around and raise the pups. Once again he had gone and messed things up again. Audits flattened against his crania in an attempt to shoo away the thoughts that were hurting him.

Carefully he leaned close to Aowyn and gave her a gentle lick upon her forehead, "I will be back." With that, his muscular frame turned way from her and he made his way from the dens in search of moss for the russet female and her children. The trip was short as Rasalas had spent much of his time patrolling these areas since her return and had quickly learned where she was going to fetch the moss. He had grown weary from the emotional strain and merely wanted to sleep, and he was not positive on if waking up was going to occur this time. Laughing slightly the brute gathered the massive bundle he had acquired and made his way back towards the angel in the darkness. He had done this for Aries, but the destination was farther away. When she needed medicine he had left The Occasus completely, hell bent on bringing her anything that would save her. Now, he felt emotional detachment from everything. This was not supposed to happen. None of this. As the darkness shrouded him, the brute kept his gaze strongly held away from Aowyn's face. It was still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen - and right now that was too much to handle. Setting the moss down and slightly spreading it out the brute noticed his paws begin to quiver. A flare of self centered rage fired within him, control was necessary right now. He could not lose himself and let the demons out again! "If you need any more, all you have to do is let me know." His words were spoken slightly awkwardly, as if he did not know how to form the proper words anymore. He gave the femme a gentle nuzzle before pulling back, "Are you feeling well? Is there anything else you need?" While his side of the conversation may have been lagging, the brute could not prevent himself from showing that he cared for her dearly.