Sick hearts mourn, happy hearts laugh [open]

[eudoxia]

The image of Req sleeping was what pushed her, she had left him and now she wanted to be back with him. The sea was being cruel to her, trying to push her back and suck her under, but she was going to the island. With salt water being forced down her throat, she paddled hard and fought the waves landing on her head. More than once she was forced under the water and came up with blurred vision. A large wave hit her down again and when she came back up she had an easier time swimming because the sea was with her this time. She went up on the beach and her flanks heaved as she gasped for breath.

When she did finally look up and try to figure out where on the island she was at, the female just about fainted. She was back on the stupid mainland! "I can't do it anymore...the sea is too much." With that she dropped to the sand, her coat heavy with water. She would have to wait for the water to calm down before attempting it again. Green eyes glanced around just once before she just closed them and fell asleep.

The clank of metal was what woke me. After opening my eyes, I looked around, trying to see if it was Req who I had heard. It was a metal wolf who stood over me, his red eyes flashing as he grabbed me by the neck and began to jerk his head back and forth, ripping me apart. I tried screaming, but nothing came out. Finally the thing left go, blood was soaking my clean white coat as my eyes faded into darkness I saw him, standing back a ways, his head held high as he ordered the final blow and that was the last I saw of him.

With a gasp, the female bolted to her feet. She was whole, but the vivid dream was not so easy to shake off. It was just a nightmare, that was all. It was dark and the sea was lapping at the shore, but she was not about to enter the water again right now. Ears pulled back as her muzzle tilted skyward and her jaws opened. Instead of letting out a long howl, she whimpered and did a few circles before throwing her head back once more and calling out, hoping Req would hear and come. Of course she didn't think he would though, after all, she had left him out there all alone. What would stop him from doing the same?

[requiem]

[atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,false][atrb=border,1,true][atrb=width,475,true][atrb=background,http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee114/MorningFever/Anikira/RequiemTable.png,true] Pounding. The pounding of his heart. The pounding in his head. The pounding of his unnatural limb against the varying terrains of earth. The steady beat seemed like a deafening roar. He couldn't escape it; he was beginning to doubt he ever would. The harder he ran, the louder it got. The question was, was sprinting into the future indeed better than succoming to events of the past? Or were they both a means to the same end? Requiem was terrified of all he encountered. his past was one of death and destruction, his future full of fear and confusion. He had little to look forward to, and yet... He ran on. The human altered Arctic brute was scared out of his mind, surrounded by the unfamiliar he'd called home for so long. Anikira had changed greatly since his birth. Wolves now roamed the land of humans; rogues seemed twice as ferocious. Nothing was sacred any more. No place was safe. Oh how he longed for the familiarity and soothing comfort offered by a friendly face. There were few Requiem trusted however, and even fewer he'd actually seek solace in. Come to think of it, he was near positive the one face he'd actually find comfort in probably wanted nothing to do with him. Eudoxia had left him on that island. She was his only friend and she'd abandoned him. And now, when he most needed a friend, he had no where to turn. Or so he'd thought... The one-eyed brute had long since decided to seek solitude within the growing island. It was his sanctuary, his safe harbor from the horrors of Anikira. Sure he could still be hurt on the island, but the memories he had of it were still better than his entire lifetime spent on the mainland. At least the island held memories of a friend. A friend who was suddenly crying out to him? The clanging of metal silenced as he paused and listened intently. It couldn't be, could it? She was calling him? But... It certainly sounded like Eudoxia. Was it worth it to see her again though? She'd hurt him, and he her. Could seeing her again possibly be best? Whether he wanted to know not, Requiem was going to find out. The song had come from the beach, and it was not long ago that soft grass had melted away into fine sand. Already set in one decision, the second had become an obstacle to the first. Requiem wanted to journey to the island. Eudoxia would be standing in his way. He had no choice but to face her. A part of him was excited, ready, willing. Another part feared. What if once again everything went so wrong? White femme came into view, sorrowful and heartbreaking. Requiem halted, paralyzed. For once he did not try to hide. He simply stood, stared, watched. His body was frozen, motionless. Before him was Eudoxia, his friend, his light in a dark world. Before him was Eudoxia, the only creature to effectively harm his heart in a manner he'd believed to be stripped away long ago. Before him was Eudoxia, and though he could see her, he could not believe it was her. He would not believe it was her. He would not be the one to click the world back into place. For his world to be right again, it was she who would have to make the first move. For now, Requiem was frightened by the future and paralyzed by the past.

[eudoxia]

Her muzzle remained in the air, her ears pulled back and eyes as closed as she could get them. White furred sides heaved in and out as she just wished into the wind for the sound of metal in this life and not her dreams. A very muffled sound reached her ears, but she couldn't decide if it was Req or not. It didn't take much longer before her head dipped in defeat. Why should he come to me after what I have done anyway? I should just walk into the waters and drown myself. Then when he one day finds my dead and bloated body, maybe that is, he will let what I did go and move on... Or would it hurt him more? How could my death hurt him though? I am the one who left, I screwed up the friendship that had so many issues to began with.

Without opening her green eyes, scarred and worn pads turned the female towards the sea and she just breathed in the saltly scent of the water before looking out at the island. So close, but out of her reach. Just like Req, he was so close, but she had failed reaching him as well. As if to let her know that she was not alone, the wind threw a large spray of water her direction, forcing her to turn her head and close her eyes. When she opened them again, there he stood. A small grin tried to crack her lips, but she held it back and instead she began to walk, her green eyes fixed on him and nothing else. Not the piece of driftwood she tripped over or the sea at her back.

As she tripped into the sand, she began to sob as much as wolves can that is. Her body was racked with guilt and she remained, hidden from the world in the cool sand as she cried out to her own self, trying to calm herself and go to him. Req came for a reason, he wouldn't of just come to tourture her, he wasn't the type. Of course I may of changed all that because of what I have done. Slowly she rose again to shaky feet before looking up at Req, her eyes poured out her feelings to him. Feelings of regreat, love, caring, and sadness had filled her. Eud had no friends other than him and she had messed it up.

She couldn't stand not knowing though. Her muscles slowly worked into a slow lope, pushing her over the sand, her tail tucked low behind her, ears pulled back in shame and her head held low as she went to him. Before she reached his side though, she dug her paws in and stopped just about a foot from him although she wished to go right up and hug him, tell him it was all a mistake and she had been wrong to leave like that. As her jaws split for an apology to spill out like sand, nothing came out. She couldn't not touch him, it was impossible, the female threw herself towards him, dropping her over his back as she repeated saying, "I'm sorry! I was stupid, please, I'm sorry Req!" over and over again as her body trembled, waiting for the rejection she knew was going to come forth from him.

[requiem]

[atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,false][atrb=border,1,true][atrb=width,475,true][atrb=background,http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee114/MorningFever/Anikira/RequiemTable.png,true] Time stood still, the earth painted in greys as everything and nothing happened all at once. Requiem was frozen, a statue, unable to command his body. And yet, as the white femme moved closer to him his fear seemed to dissipate. He was not terrified of what was to come. Or maybe he was so completely terrified that he had become completely detached from the situation. Either way, his expression was emotionless, stormy eye vacant and dead. His lack of affect was unnerving. Had it been the nature instilled in him at birth, surely he would have been the intimidating creature many often mistook him for. It was almost as if he was looking through, rather than at Eudoxia's approaching form. He saw her yes, watched as a body stumbled and tripped into the sand. But he was not seeing her. He dared not approach. He could not bring himself to ask if she was alright. Their past was out of his reach; their future refused to come. Requiem was stuck, trapped, suffocated by his own heart. No matter how desperately he wanted to, there was nothing he could force himself to do. He was completely beside himself, feeling as if he were watching the whole event rather than participating in it. Finally Eudoxia reached him. She hesitated. They stared. His lone eye caught hers and a flicker of life returned to his face. No words would come, however, for it seemed they'd both forgotten how to speak. He tried to will himself to close the distance, force a paw to rise. It felt impossible to do so. His entire body was heavy, as if more than one leg were constructed of metal. His heart pounded furiously, the only part of him that seemed to still be working properly (even if it was working overtime). Auds backed themselves out of worry, fear, confusion. What would happen next? They couldn't hold this staring contest forever, could they? So long as neither refused to acknowledge their intertwined history, maybe the would... And then suddenly time started again. The world was bathed in color, a curtain lifted as the female Arctic threw herself forward. Requiem was shocked, his entire body tensing as she nuzzled against him. It had been so long since he'd felt another's touch, felt her touch. But for once he did not give into his instincts. He did not dare to pull away. Her apologies fell upon deaf ears as his soul slowly returned to his body. He was in control again, could move again, could breath again. Squeezing his eye shut to fight the tears, he pushed back into her, nuzzling his head against her neck. It had been so long... Too long... He had missed her desperately, and that was enough to forgive all past sins. He just wanted to be with her again. He just wanted to love his friend again. The past was inconsequential. They could move on, get over what had happened, heal together. A quiet whine tumbled from his maw, tongue splitting lips to caress her soft pelt. Her name was a whisper as it caught on the wind, carrying away any ill-will he had. Requiem had his friend again, and that was all that matter. "Eudoxia..."

[eudoxia]

[atrb=width,475,true][atrb=background,http://i49.tinypic.com/214a8fn.png,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,false] She waited for the wolf to pull away, to freeze up and pull himself into a ball of fur. All she could do was keep her green eyes shut and just hope she wouldn't open them to nothing but air and a dream almost as real as life. The sounds around her of the shore and waters dragged on and still nothing else reached her. When she had just about given up her sanity to grief and the thought that she was dreaming, her fur was pressed against her neck as Req touched her back. It wasn't a dream after all so she nuzzled her muzzle deeper into his long fur and inhaled his scent. If she ever lost her sight and most of her smell as well, she would still be able to pick him out of a pack. As he let out a whine and began to allow his tongue to glide over her white pelt, she slowly opened her eyes while turning to face him. For a small moment her eyes knit together in worry, but she pushed that away and struggled to force air into her mouth. Her breathing worked back into a semi normal rate again now. Erect ears pushed forward even more as he split his jaws and spoke. Requiem just said one word, her name, it was low and hard to hear, but Eudoxia beamed in happiness. The time apart had been stupid, her life before Req had been stupid. She was stupid. The strange large wolf now loomed in her mind, he had looked very strange with his red tinted coat. "I wonder if he ever found his Riadrak group... Leam was right though...forgiveness is the key, nothing else." She was thinking back to what the male had said, if Req would forgive her, than she would forgive herself. If not, then she would live a short and lonely life. Her black nose pressed back into his fur and she whimpered softly, closing her eyes with a sigh. She was back with her friend. To think this whole thing started with needing to get food, a buck if she remembered correctly. One problem though...how was she to find out if she was forgiven without being a jerk or bringing up the past? The past did not work real good to bring up, that had caused way too much. Eudoxia did not pull away from Req, but instead nuzzled his shoulder and lightly chewed down his spine. "I missed you Requiem..."

[requiem]

[atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,false][atrb=border,1,true][atrb=width,475,true][atrb=background,http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee114/MorningFever/Anikira/RequiemTable.png,true] Tenderly she returned his caress, nuzzling deeper into his unkempt fur. In that one moment Requiem couldn't be happier. He was whole again. The world didn't seem to be such a scary place. Life was... bearable. With Eudoxia his existence was more than just pointless wandering. He had someone who cared about him, and someone he cared about. He had someone to live for. He had someone to help him heal ancient scars that would still be raw if he was left completely on his own. The Arctic brute had a connection with this femme that no other had been able to achieve with him before. Not even his own mother had been so close to his heart, taken from him long before passion could even be recognized. Eudoxia was his guardian angel, guiding him through chaos and hell. Such an association had been accidental, but there was no denying its truth. With her by his side, life seemed less scary. She gave him hope that not all of his species were heartless monsters, eager to turn on their own kind. Her presence alone was able to ease some of the fears that accompanied nearly five long years spent in paranoia. Her voice alone was enough to perk his auds, and the brute pulled away just enough to observe her emerald eyes. A curious "Hmm?" rumbled in his throat, confusion furrowing his brow. Who was Leam? Had Eudoxia's time away from him been more productive than his away from her? Spending time in Kamari had been nothing but emotional torture. The land itself was haunting. As for the wolves that now called in their home... Req closed his eye for a moment, trying to push away the thought. He did not want to remember the Haishin wolves with their anger and suspicion. The majority of them had acted in manners that scared him the most. His questions were forgotten as again the Arctic femme nuzzled back into him, the desire to be close strong for each of them. He rested his chin atop her neck, content to just keep her close for the time being. Her voice spoke the words that had been eating at his soul the moment he'd awoken alone on the island. Though they hadn't met long, it seemed they'd been together for an eternity. On his own he'd been broken. Now, without Eudoxia, he was shattered. "Please, don't leave me again," he whispered. He was like a terrified pup, begging his mother not to hunt without him. Except... Except this request held so much more than that. He did not need Eudoxia to keep him alive. He needed the femme to keep himself sane. "I don't like life without you."

[eudoxia]

[atrb=width,475,true][atrb=background,http://i49.tinypic.com/214a8fn.png,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,false] As Req rested his chin on her neck, the female nuzzled him again before sitting down, holding him close and not willing to let go right now, not even to look into his one eye and let him know how crappy she felt for leaving him alone that morning. As his whispered words found her, the female felt even worse, the pit of her stomach churning as she heard his request and that he didn't like life...without her in it. Her green eyes closed tight as a whimper let her throat. "I don't want to leave you ever again Requiem, I don't want my life to be empty and pointless as it had been before that day last winter when I followed the deer and found you as well." A pause and a deep breath, her muzzle dug into his fur as she went on, holding her eyes closed and just wishing he would hear her out before moving or saying anything. "Leaving that morning from the island was a stupid mistake, I met two other wolves while I was gone and before I just gave up trying to be brave and sat to wait for you to hope without much luck until now of your return. Neither one of them could be the friend you are, while you have your flaws, it doesn't matter to me because somehow you can accept my flaws. I saw just how pointless my life was while I was speaking with them without you in it. You have given me a reason to trust others, to put what has happened in the past behind me and not to look back. Of course right now I am looking back, but without the past, there would be nothing worth living for." She had pulled away towards the end and pushed her nose against his, green eyes looking into his. "I don't want to be mates with you ever, I just want to be your friend. That is all we could ever handle I think because as it is things are not going so great as friends all the time anyway. I want to be like your second shadow, always around to talk to, but a comfort as well just being there." Her muzzle moved to the side, running up his muzzle as she licked his chin before curling her head over the back of his neck, her white tail moving slowly side to side behind her rump. Eud was glad that he was just here, hopefully he would forgive her for leaving before, she already had decided never to do that again.

[requiem]

[atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,false][atrb=border,1,true][atrb=width,475,true][atrb=background,http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee114/MorningFever/Anikira/RequiemTable.png,true] Requiem remained silent as she said her peace, reveling in the feel of her touch. It didn't really matter to him what she'd been thinking, or what she'd even gone through. What mattered was that they were together again. Eudoxia was one of the few good things he'd experienced in life. There was his mother, taken from him at infancy. His handler had been kind, but was also the source of many of his troubles. That man had also been taken from. Eudoxia, however, had come back. She was the only pleasant contact he'd had that did not desert him permanently. Sure they had their rough patches, but she was the one that broke his vicious cycle. He needed her like the air he breathed. As her story wound down, he pondered whether or not it'd be a good idea to tell her of his own tales. At least the brief company she'd found sounded semi-pleasant. The tale he wanted to weave of the Haishin pack was far from such an ideal. The pack had frightened him, solidifying in his mind the idea that Kamari only bred bad wolves. Sure he'd been a Kamari wolf, but he wasn't exactly peaches and cream. The humans had given him a frightening appearance, and though he would never unjustly cause chaos he was far from being stable. Though not quite bad, Requiem could not see himself as good either. He simply existed, unlike the femme he saw only as pure. As she pulled away his brow rose slightly, his mind trying to predict what she was going to do next. Cold noses met as jade gems stared into his stormy own, her words paralyzing him as all thoughts fled in a fury. Mates? Where had she drawn such a belief from? Despite his five years of age the Arctic brute wasn't even sure what being mates entailed. Did he want to be mates with Eudoxia? Sure a multitude of odd feelings danced within his heart whenever she was near, but were they related to that specific kind of love? He was only beginning to identify what friendship felt like. The thought of pursuing something more, or more speciffically the possible eventual pursuit of something more, was downright terrifying. Was it a good thing she was squashing all hope of such a relationship now? Would the brute even be comfortable exploring such feelings? Her tongue grazed against his chin before she snuggled closer again. This time, however, Requiem was unresponsive. He sat rather rigidly as the sound of his heart pounded within his ears. A part of him desperately wanted to understand what she'd meant, to ask about it. Another part chided him for his foolishness, whispering fears of embarrassment and total rejection. But he had to know. He was not one to pass up a potential for new knowledge. As he finally spoke, his voice was timid. Any thoughts concerning the former part of her speech had been forgotten. All he could focus on was this strange future that neither of them were physically willing to experience. Mentally, he could not hold in his curiosity. Born of unnatural means and having lived a life with minimal social contact, his ignorance on the topic was almost to be expected. "What do you mean by mates?" How could he avoid trying to be Eudoxia's when he didn't even know what one was?