Hair Loss and Bad Weather [open]

[avani]

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[atrb=background,http://img683.imageshack.us/img683/6595/avanitablemid.png][atrb=width,419,true] Two years. Had it been two years? Had it been two full years? Two birthdays, two moons, two ancient claws, one tail, two ears, two minutes. Two minutes. That's more like it. Two minutes, twenty-two seconds. Or moments, even. Only two of them. Or maybe even just one. A nervous whine escaped from the jaw of a small shadow, tucked in the corner of one of the outcroppings around Usklhon Caverns. The petite creature leaned with a mahogany back pressed up against the rock wall, the cold both a comfort and a horrible reminder. The shriveled beast was merely skin and bones, upon a closer look. Raw patches of skin on her underside festered with infection, claws broken off at the ends and exposing the roots, a cataract in one eye and the other eye so dull and weepy that the wolf might have been pronounced dead had it not been for her constant shivering. Ravaged with fear, the small Ethiopian female had hardly left her dark seclusion in what seemed like both a heart-wrenching lifetime and a terror-ridden moment. Two years. Before, the female had been as lively as any-wolf. Small in stature, but brave in heart and strong in mind. The female was intuitive and engineering, in love with both her mate and her pack. The female was a mother of two beautiful pups, and willing to defend them with all the life she had in her. She was beautiful, inside and out, with eyes that shone as diamonds in the rough of the desert. Most shocking? This small thing, this poor excuse for life, was Avani, the Alphess of Zahir. Avani paced the floor in a tight circle and curled around herself, her teeth picking at her tail. The hair-picking came as a stress-relief, the tiny clicks of her teeth pressing together almost hypnotic. The behavior would have continued for hours had it not been for the shiver that ran through her spine and threw her into a coughing fit. They were gone, Key and Claw and Burn and whatever other demons haunted her during those dark days. Gone to anyplace, Avani didn't care, as long as they weren't with her. Dead, hopefully. The only thing that she could pray for was that her pups were safe. The giant took them, the black and green giant. The logical, sane part of Avani made her whimper with despair. They weren't real, those giant wolves with their dazzling colors. She didn't know what was real anymore, and what was only in her mind. Some days she sat at the mouth of the caverns, hidden in brush and shadows, watching passerby. She had seen the Aldgar pack most often, crossing their territory and no doubt on patrol. They might have smelled her sometime, but the alphess knew that the hunt for her had long since been given up, her individual scent forgotten and put by the wayside. The newest queen of the desert was dead to most of them, probably all of them. Other days she sat in the inmost corners of the cavern where no one dared explore. She thought about Vee, about her pups, about her life. And just when she thought she had built up all the courage in the world, ready to come out and face those she loved, the attacks happened. Hallucinations of the dark, black wolves who had so brutally enslaved her blocked her every step. Demons deep within her stomach twisted and sliced at her intestines and drank from her blood. Pictures of angels with their necks hanging by cords and wolves with her still-beating heart in their mouth forced her backwards. Voices of Key, the most evil of the three, snaked in her ear like smoke and after mumbling disgraces and screaming insults, bit and envenomed her insides, killing her from the inside out. She couldn't leave. The three wolves were gone, she had escaped, and yet they still had her tethered down like a bird with broken wings and chewed-off legs. With the morning winds, Avani's thin, desert-suited coat bristled and she shivered again, always a touch hypothermic in these unfit conditions. She used to be optimistic, always hoping for her fears to subside, saying "today is the day, today will be the day." But the alphess had lost all of her hope. With a momentary stop to urinate, she lapped at some of the ice that held it's grip on the dying earth below, and skittered back into her den, eyes like wildfire. No, definitely not. Today was definitely not the day.

ooc: ;) Welcome to the secret life of the long-lost alphess. Open to anyone who wants to join + hopefully Auden? :)

[Deleted]

[atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,472,true][atrb=background,http://img843.imageshack.us/img843/3765/audtbbg.png,true] It may have been early spring, but Auden was a dessert breed through and through, albeit the Tundra blood running through his veins. He was his mother’s son, the odd combination of Ethiopian and Tundra. For however hard he tried to fit into the world’s terms of “normal”, for however sane he managed to keep himself amongst a clan of depressed maniacs, Auden would never truly be normal. Hazel eyes watched his feet as they moved robotically atop the colorless frozen terrain, noticing that his coat was not as white as he always thought. There were sandy colored hairs mingled in with the rest, making him seem ruddy colored in the empty winter land covered in snow. Auden was not sure why he had come here of all places; to the mountainous region of The Oriens, especially in the icy grip of the lands typical winter. Another chilly breeze blew up the mountain side, threatening to freeze the young wolf in place. Mid pace he stopped, and curled into himself, shaking his head lightly from side to side. “This was a dumb idea… I should just turn around and go back… Maybe no one would even notice I was gone.” Ah, the idea of home. His warm dessert, wet and full of life after the season’s blessing of rain. Just the other day he was walking through a downpour on his way to claim his birth right when an idea had stopped him dead in his tracks. And idea that drove him to leave The Occasus for awhile. Although he may not technically have had any right to force Zanny away, it burdened Auden, the look of rejection on her face. But the feeling slowly left him once the two parted ways. Either it was guilt or solid logistics, Auden reasoned that not allowing Zanny to join was better for her and for the pack in the long run. He was discovering what it meant to be an Alpha, the emotions that tagged along with daily duties. He had been so confident that day; no longer worried about losing, being banished for his home…until a new fear crept into his mind. If he thought his father was performing poorly as leader, how was he, as his son, supposed to do any better? Vee’s leadership was all Auden had ever known… He could make all the promises in the world to do better than his father was doing, but the fact was, he did not know how to be a good Alpha. And Zahir would not survive another fallen Alpha… So, Auden did the only thing he had left to do; go out into the world and gain experience, so he could return home a changed wolf, and stake his claim on Alpha of Zahir. He would miss his father dearly, and he felt bad about leaving without saying good bye. Auden followed the path to The Oriens, to the best of his memory. He had gotten turned around along the way more than once, but he had made it here, now what? Would the Alpha Meikou remember him? If not, should he say he was the son of the Zahir Alpha? As far as he knew, Zahir and Aldgar were still allies… But what if they weren’t? More questions than he could comprehend invaded his mind, weakening the courage he had been mustering up until this point. ***** words: 567 muse: average - below average notes:

[avani]

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[atrb=background,http://img683.imageshack.us/img683/6595/avanitablemid.png][atrb=width,419,true] From her cavernous hole, Avani had a pretty decent view of the landscape—whatever there actually was to see. Despite the approaching spring, or at least the season that her instincts told her of, the Oriens were covered in snow. The alphess wished that something would happen other than the migrations of geese or the occasional (with occasional meaning almost never) deer bounding past. Yes, sometimes she saw wolves passing through, but the Aldgar pack hadn’t had much movement lately, or at least didn’t seem like much from where she sat. The wind blew crystal snow over the terrain, making Avani blink to keep the sharp ice out of her eyes. The flurries made shapes before her eyes, twisting and floating into shapes of the ones her memory had all but forgotten. Vee came first. She saw his thin frame and red eyes wet with tears, his head hanging. He howled, and though there was no noise, Avani’s heart dropped, knowing that his grief was for her. How guilty she felt, leaving him to suffer. And she knew he would be suffering. She didn’t think this in an arrogant way, but simply in the same way she felt for him—and though it seemed her heart had turned cold with the weather, it felt heavy and rotten. Vee. The one she needed, the one she wanted, the one she lived for, was learning to live without her and it broke her heart. But who was she living for now? Herself? That didn’t make any sense. She lived in misery, picking at her skin to block out the pain of her existence. She wasn’t living for anyone. She wasn’t even living, really. The snow drifted from the shape of Vee into the shape of her daughter. She was darker than her brother, big like her father but colored like her mom. She was still a small puppy to Avani, still hoping to suckle, still with puppy eyes blue as the summer sky. Adnessa, how Avani missed her, and how she had lost hope in ever seeing her again. Her heart broke again, a little more deeply. Again the flurries twisted and formed her son, Auden. Her vision was of the most beautiful, white puppy she had ever seen. He was perfect; a perfect representation of Avani’s love for her mate. The puppy bounded and played in the snowflakes around him, rolling in the snow with childlike ecstasy. The curled puppy grew in her inner eye, becoming his father’s son, and her son. Avani choked back a sob, a sound that gurgled and cracked in her throat. She squinted her eyes shut and pushed her nose down into her paws, shaking with the cold but more from her regret. Her son had grown up without her. She never heard him speak his first words, never saw him make his first kill. Maybe he was in love, maybe he had a mate. Maybe he had puppies of his own by now. The alphess took no care to hide her crying now. Coughing sobs filled the caves, echoing softly off the walls. She had no tears to cry, her lack of nourishment kept her body retaining all the water it could get, and her sobs resulted in moaning whimpers. All of these people she loved were just fine without her, and the thought was enough to make her retch. They’d all hate her for making them hurt, never accept her again for all that she had destroyed. How could she ever think of going back? notes: The snow Auden she sees is the real one, but she just assumes she's hallucinating. Just thought I'd make that clear. :)

ooc: I was bored and made Auden a sig. x)

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[Deleted]

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[atrb=background,http://img30.imageshack.us/img30/9790/audentablemiddle.png] Craning his neck forward, leathery nares sniffed at the trunk of a young evergreen, the timber having retained the scent of another wolf throughout the winter season. He had reached the Aldgar territory, but the smell was faint and he did not recognize it. Hell, if he stumbled upon Meikou, he might not even realize it was her until she introduced herself. He sighed lightly, disheartened by his lack of knowledge. Ears laced back against his skull as he spoke aloud, figuring he was alone in the great scope of the Kinath Mountain range. “Well what did you expect? To remember what she smelled like after all this time? You were only six months old! It’s a surprise that you even got here!” He paced in a circle around the evergreen as he persisted on scolding himself, “And what are you going to do if she’s not Alpha anymore? Should I say that I’m the Heir to Zahir…or a loner? Look! Now I’m talking to myself…” He went silent for a few minutes, continuing to pace around the sapling until he stopped altogether. “Well…” he raised his head and pricked his ears forward. Drawing in a deep breath, he added, “You didn’t come all this way for nothing Auden.” He rolled his eyes as he again talked about himself in the third perspective. Lifting his mug to the tree tops he howled to the Alpha of Aldgar, to anyone really. His song was lonely, but held a flicker of hope that someone was still in the territory. For his father’s sake, hopefully they would be as welcoming as they were over a year ago. He could not imagine his father being able to go on with his life if he lost his son; especially here in The Oriens, where the pair had travelled to not much more than a year ago, in search for any trace of his missing mother. Auden waited rather patiently for a reply; though he was too caught up in a memory to even think about time. A memory that he preferred not to recall, but it was not all bad. There were bits and pieces that made him smile as he thought over them; learning how to howl at territory borders, how to sniff and track; watching the deer graze on the open plains of I’queyer. He scoffed at the first memories of his youth, a large grin forcing its way onto his lips. That was a different time, almost a different era altogether. Everything was so simple back then…or so he had thought. Had he known better, he would have realized that his life was falling apart at the seams; his sister running away, being lost forever in that shrouded forest; a feeble attempt to search for his missing mother, running into Uncle who claimed to kill her; dad getting into a fight, the pair having to run for their lives… “I really should forget about this whole thing,” he sighed heavily, ready to give up on his adventure and return home. As he turned to leave a faint sound stopped him in his tracks; between whisper of the wind, Auden heard what sounded like sobs and whimpers coming from the mountainside. Mountains didn’t cry…right? “Maybe I really am crazy…” he whispered, slightly aware that someone might be listening. Hazel eyes searched the desolate landscape, but all he could see was snow and protruding rock cliffs. Looking around frantically, he tried to find the source of the whimpers, mostly to prove to himself that rocks did not cry, but between the heavy gusts of winds, it was hard for him, having use of only one ear. Climbing over perilous edges, he strategically paced the mountain side, often climbing higher, to hear the sound in a completely different direction. Of course sniffing did not help much either, the wind would blow so hard; it too seemed to be deceiving him. Eventually he picked up the scent of another, rather strong in a spot of urine on the rock face. I’m not crazy! There was someone around, but he was unable to pick out where. “Hello?” He could only hope that they would be able to hear him, his voice somewhat shaky after his extreme exercise. Walking for miles in the Sands of Rodorr was nothing compared to the adrenaline pumping workout of searching for something, or someone that might not even exist in slick mountains. ***** words: 740 muse: average - but crap post notes: ---

[avani]

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[atrb=background,http://img683.imageshack.us/img683/6595/avanitablemid.png][atrb=width,419,true] The alphess was the perfect example of the living dead. This is not to say that she had no life, but simply that she had no hope for it. Whatever pain she felt from wearing herself down was insignificant; she was too cold to feel it anyway. She hadn’t hunted in two days, maybe three, and fatigue was hitting her harder than ever. But she wasn’t just dead on the outside; it felt like she was damaged on the inside as well. Her joints hurt from weakness, her cough persisted with unbreakable force, and her eyes and gums showed jaundice. Of course, Avani would never have known that she was being infected by a bacterial disease. She would have never known that the squirrel she chose to hunt was a carrier of Leptospirosis, and she would have never known that the squirrel’s furry pelt was dangerous when in contact with her lacerated, broken skin. Though she knew none of this yet, there was nothing physical about her current problems. With an expression as emotionless like the rock face around her, Avani stared coldly at her hallucinated son, her tears gone with a new stage of instability. God was taunting her; Azra’ael was on his toes, dancing floaty steps in her inner eye. The image was speaking, twisting, turning, then yelling. He was the heir of Zahir, he was crazy, he was angry, irritated. Probably with her, Avani reconciled. Somewhere, deep down in there, it was about her. Whatever torture the Gods were making her go through now was exactly what she deserved for never returning. She never would, either. All hope she had in going back was broken and scattered over the continent. Her heart wasn’t with Zahir because it couldn’t be, because her heart had gone away, replaced with her wild, dilated eyes and permanent crooked smile. As her son peeked his head in and said hello, Avani could only greet him with watery eyes. She didn’t believe that he was really there, of course. But, damn, did he look an awful lot like Vee. “Come to say hi. Come to say hi to mommy.” Her voice was choppy and her breath was labored, her eyes glazing over slightly, and her opaque, cataract-covered eye cast a dull, watery reflection. “Come to say hi!” She giggled with eyes wide open and mouth in a cold, neutral frown. “Come, come… come. To say hello.” notes: Crap post. x_x

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