She was not sure where Ryker had disappeared to. Akihra was depressed, to say the least, and wandering her grandfather's lands had seemed to be the best option, given the circumstances.
The young femme was now with pups, and to some extent, she was emotionally traumatized from the situation. Kira could not bring herself to face Ryker right now, to explain to him that the pups inside her could possibly be from that murderous mexican brute that had raped her not long ago. But she could not make those assumptions so early, right? What if she was wrong, and she placed that seed of doubt in her mate's head about whether or not his children were really his?
Akihra could not do that to the brute. She was too strong-willed to face the disappointment that she knew she would see in Ryker's eyes if she had to tell him. But she could not hide from him forever. As she walked, the femme let her mind wander, to the point that she had not noticed her direction. When she next looked up, she was approaching the steamy waters of the territory's hot springs. What I would give for a nice, hot wash, she thought longingly, her steps bringing her closer to the water's edge with each stride.
It was then that she noticed yet another wolf in her presence. Akihra did not need to turn her eyes to see who it was. Torrah. She felt a flurry of mixed emotions: excitement to see that her brother was safe, anticipation to see where he had been, and anxiety due to her current condition. While he had always been a quiet one, she did not know how he would handle the news of some additions to their family.
Our family... This is my family. Mine and Ryker's family, she thought defensively. "Oh, but you don't know that for sure, do you?" The little voice in her head nagged her incessantly. She could not handle this for long. She would need to come to terms with her situation. "Torrah!" she called out apprehensively, approaching him with an air of caution. Who knew what sort of trouble he could have gotten himself into lately?
"Brother, I have missed you," she breathed honestly, keeping a good enough distance between them to equate familiarity, but to show that she was slightly unnerved by their given position. What now?
[/b][/color] His tail had slowed from its pendulum wag, going so far as to tuck itself between his legs. His ears had folded back, and anxiety filled his eyes. He didn't like not knowing what was wrong. Reunions were supposed to be happy occasions. And yet... And yet his excitement at seeing Akihra was quickly being replaced with fear and worry. What had happened in the time they had been apart? What was it that he did not know? Why did he feel more like a stranger than a brother in this moment? Had she moved on without him? The questions again plagued his mind.[/color][/size][/justify][/ul][/blockquote][/td][/tr][tr][td][/td][/tr][/table][/center]
Torrah's reaction turned from excited to shocked, and Akihra could not do anything but blame herself. It was her fault that his face wore such a shocked, confused expression, and she needed to do what she could to fix it. "Torrah," she sighed, strolling towards him and nuzzling his neck. She licked his ears and smiled softly at her big brother, but the smile did not reach all the way to hear eyes.
She was worried sick about Ryker, although the sickness could be due in part from the litter of pups. Akihra felt queasy and unsettled, and Ryker's absence was making this much more difficult than it had to be. At least if he was beside her, she would have an accurate explanation for her reaction. She loved Torrah, and there was no doubt about that. But when he was in the presence of Tehrin, the pair were too easily influenced. He was such a soft-hearted soul that she could not bring herself to explain to him that she had gone against her sister and planned to stay with their grandfather, permanently.
"Where is Tehrin? Have you seen her?" she inquired quietly. Akihra hoped that she was not nearby, because her sister would be a lot more kean to what was her issue than Torrah. If their reunion was anything like the last time, she would likely lose her litter, and Tehrin would be to blame. She had to do everything in her power to avoid her sister, at least until the pups were born, if not for longer.
The femme's tail started a soft wag, gradually picking up speed as she realized just how much she had missed her brother. Maybe Akihra was looking to cut ties with her sister, but Torrah had never done anything to harm her. If anything, despite his soft nature, he was a guardian. He would stand beside her if only for strength in numbers. Perhaps he would want to stay with her and Ryker here? That is, if he ever reappears... she thought absently. At some point on their journey here, the brute had wandered off without Akihra realizing it. She sincerely hoped that no harm had come to him. She truly loved the brute, and she did not want these pups growing up without a father.
But you don't know for sure these pups are his. Maybe they will grow up with a living father, although not the one you want, the sickening inner voice nagged her. Akihra was so conflicted by this notion. Perhaps her strange behavior had been the factor in Ryker's disappearance. Maybe he just did not want to deal with her problems any longer.
"Torrah, I need to tell you something," she finally decided. He was going to find out sooner or later, and sooner would possibly alleviate the shock when the pups were born.
[/b][/color] He was beginning to get hung up on his words. His voice dropped several octaves, barely a whisper as the hurt poured out of him. "You left me. You both left me. Gone! You didn't look for me. And then you just show up and don't even ask about me. Where's Tehrin? How the hell should I know? You don't seem to care, so why should I?"
He seemed to slump, head hung so low his nose caused grasses to bend every time he exhaled. He was the picture of pathetic. For the first time ever he had voiced the anxieties, the fears, the hurt that he had always bottled up inside. And now he could not even look at his sister, ashamed of what he'd just said. Because he did love his family. He loved them dearly. But how could he truly care about him when they themselves only ever seemed to pretend?
Torrah only glanced at his sister when she made her little announcement. If possible, more pain crept into his expression. She was pregnant? What? How? Did she have a mate? Was that why she was so timid, so on edge upon greeting him? Was she? Was she...? He feared for the worst, so much sorrow in his eyes that it was amazing he was not yet crying. His heart ached for his little sister. And yet, all he could do was feel guilt for not protecting her and anger towards her for not letting him protect her. His voice cracked, and it was amazing that Akihra could understand him at all. "If you hadn't left, this wouldn't have happened."[/color][/size][/justify][/ul][/blockquote][/td][/tr][tr][td][/td][/tr][/table][/center]
While she had expected Torrah to be upset with her, she did not expect the overwhelming guilt she felt wash over her. Her brother had been left alone; how was she to know that he had not been traveling with Tehrin? Her sister had been a permanent fixture in his life since the twins’ birth. She never would have guessed that she would abandon him. It’s not like I didn’t do the same thing, she thought shamefully. When he had been needing her most, the femme turned her back on her brother for her own selfish desires.
Family always came first. Akihra had been taught this at a young age and, until now, had dutifully lived by the phrase. But she was a mature female now; she needed to grow and discover who she was. As she had explored her horizons, she left Torrah in the dust. It was disgraceful. She had issues with her sister, but Torrah never laid a paw on her. He was the loving big brother that she needed; he was her support system when she struggled. And now, when she came to him and confessed something that she knew would be a large part of her life, he was throwing it back in her face. How was she supposed to respond to that? “You don’t even know Ryker,” she snapped bitterly. It was the only response she could muster through her shock. Torrah was always the sweet, understanding one. She could see the pain in his face when she revealed her news. But you don’t know that Ryker is the father, now do you? the voice in her head nagged. She shuddered. He is the father. He has to be.
But she was conflicted. Torrah knew nothing of her attack, especially if he had not seen Tehrin. The femme was also appalled that she failed to recognize her excitement at finding her brother. Instead, she treated him like a common wanderer. What was wrong with her?
“I apologize, Torrah,” she replied earnestly. “I assumed that you had been traveling with Tehrin. It did not cross my mind that she had wandered away from us both.” It was all she could do not to let her sharp tongue take hold again. “I suppose it was foolish to wander away yet again,” she admitted, the words tasting sour in her mouth. She did not believe she was wrong, but if it made Torrah feel better, then she would say anything she needed to say.
Akihra breathed deeply. I still have to do whatever is best for my family. These pups, Ryker, they are part of my world now, too, she reminded herself. They were now included in her family, and she could not continue to feel guilty for thinking of what was best for those she loved. Sure, Ryker was not related by blood, but he was her mate. Which brought her to another question: Where was Ryker? The brute had disappeared somewhere along the way back to Kamari, and she had thought nothing of it at the time. Yet he still had not made an appearance.
[/i] think. And Tehrin thinks too much and neither one of you pay any regard to consequences. And you say you care but I just don't see it."[/b][/color] He got up here, turning to face his younger sister. He looked utterly devastated, helpless as he stared her down. "You did what? Ran off and joined a pack? You smell too much like the wolves here. And you're. You're..." He couldn't say it. He didn't want to say it. She was starting a family, a life, that did not include him. And Tehrin ran off after you. And her one track mind cuts out anyone who's not useful to her. I'm surprised you don't know where she is considering you were what she was hellbent on finding."
He turned away again, lying down facing the waters. His body seemed to curl in on itself, ears folded back and tail folded between his legs. He felt small and insignificant within Akhira's world of independence. Torrah didn't even know if he still fit into her world somehow. Did he fit anywhere? Had things spiraled so far out of his control that he no longer had someplace to belong? A lone wolf... He was a lone wolf abandoned by family that had all grown up without him. Maybe it was time for him to grow up and get his own life too. But... where was he supposed to start? He was poor, little, dependent, painfully shy Torrah. What was he supposed to do when the only ones he could talk to, would talk to, were moving on without him?[/color][/size][/justify][/ul][/blockquote][/td][/tr][tr][td][/td][/tr][/table][/center]
Akihra shrunk back, horrified by the Torrah she saw before her. What is wrong with him? she thought vacantly, numbly listening as the brute rambled on harshly. He was tearing her heart into pieces; here, she had honestly apologized for her actions, and he was trampling over it as if she had just spit in his face. This was not the Torrah she knew. This was a hateful, unpleasant brute that just so happened to look like her older brother. She would not put up with such hurtful words from a stranger, would she?
"Torrah, listen to me," she snapped, anger creeping into her words. "You have no right to berate me for my decisions. I am a grown wolf, and I have every right to go where I please and make choices for myself as I see fit." She burrowed an imaginary hole in the back of her brother's head as she stared him down. "You are treating me like I am a stranger, a nobody. I do not deserve such vindictiveness from my brother. If you hate me, then just come out and say it. I will stay out of your way." She felt no need to beat around the bush. If her brother wanted her out of his life, she would understand. After all, from what he just said, all she was doing was causing him problems, right?
Akihra softened her tone. "I don't want you out of my life, Torrah," she admitted, "but you're driving me in that direction. You are my brother, and I care about you. But when you treat me this way, I don't understand why. I thought you were supposed to help raise me to be an independent, healthy wolf so that I could survive in this hell hole we call life." She paused, allowing a few moments for her words to sink in before she continued. "But if all I am to you is a tag-a-long, someone that you need to watch over every second of the day, then I guess I'm not as well off as I thought. Maybe I'm no Tehrin, or no Torrah, but I am me. You have to accept me for what I am, Torrah. Because from here on, that's all you're going to be able to do."
A tear dropped from the femme's muzzle, and she hurriedly hid her face in case her brother decided to choose that moment to grace her with his presence once more. Akihra was furious, but she was doing her best to keep that emotion under wraps as she attempted to patch up the faltering relationship with her brother.
[/i]sister, in his life when... when... "I need you more than you've ever needed me." The forlorn whisper was hard to make out, mumbled beneath his paws. But there. He'd said it. He had admitted it all.
Torrah was a weak male. The only thing admirable about him was his heart, the rest of him kept carefully under lock and key. Maybe it was because Tehrin pretty much owned his soul and always had, from the moment she showed litter dominance. Or maybe it was because his father was Ardemu, and Torrah was too terrified to find out exactly what that meant. Instead of embracing his heritage and discovering any potential he still had to be molded, he shrunk from it. He locked it all away, forcing himself to be the exact opposite of the monster his father had always been painted as. The poor boy feared that somewhere deep inside of him was a hidden demon, and he relied on his sisters too much to make sure it would never escape.[/color][/size][/justify][/ul][/blockquote][/td][/tr][tr][td][/td][/tr][/table][/center]
Perhaps what she should have been worrying about was upsetting her brother, not shoving all of this back in his face. Akihra felt her heart sink as the sobs of her brother met her ears. It was a flash of pity, then full-out guilt for making her brother cry this way. She had never intended to hurt him; if anything, she was doing everything in her power to prevent that. And, once again, she had failed.
"Torrah, you can't honestly think that that is true," she breathed softly, beside him once more in two short strides. "Just because I am creating my own life does not mean that I do not need you. You are a wonderful, kind, caring wolf that deserves so much more credit than you give yourself." While he may not have believed it, Akihra looked up to him. She knew well enough that if it had only been Tehrin, she would have turned out a lot more messed up than she already was. He was to thank for that, and she planned on making sure he knew it as well.
"I never would have gotten this far without you, Torrah. Imagine if I had only grown up with Tehrin. You are the root of my conscience, my caring, and where I generally learned to have a soul. I'm complete because of you," she admitted softly. The femme was not one to fess up to vulnerability often. But she had been alone and confused when her mother handed her over. Tehrin and Torrah had taken her along without the slightest sign of anger or disgust, and she admired them for that. She did not know what she would have done in the same situation. Did they ever question if she was really their sister? And why would they make life harder on themselves just to make sure she was taken care of? There were so many questions she wanted to ask, but she did not know how to say them. She did not want to sound scared, and that was exactly what she was.
Akihra breathed deeply, turning to look at her brother. "Don't you dare say that again. Because I know it isn't true. You just need to see that for yourself, and then everything will make a lot more sense." Torrah had so much potential. Akihra knew that he was holding himself back because of his own inhibitions. One day, she hoped he would come to his senses and see exactly what he was capable of. She knew him, and she knew how he worked. Come on, Torrah. Open your eyes, and see, she yearned.
[/b][/color] he mumbled out between the tears. He still would not look at her even though she'd moved closer. The unspoken part of his statement was that he himself had not. She grew up and was independent, living her own life. And he... "The female that brought me here... She- She thinks... She thinks my name is Tee. When I don't have you two, I can't even tell a nice stranger my name." He sobbed some more, wishing more than ever that he could be invisible right now. He was already feeling nonexistent; maybe actually becoming so would solve all of his problems.[/color][/size][/justify][/ul][/blockquote][/td][/tr][tr][td][/td][/tr][/table][/center]
Akihra's gaze fell unsympathetically on Torrah. She had tried to comfort her brother, yet he continually tore himself down. This needed to stop, even if it meant tearing herself away from him to do so. He will never stop doubting himself if he is not forced to take care of himself, she thought with a shake of her head. A cruel laugh slipped through her lips; she needed to make this as convincing as possible to save her brother from himself.
"Torrah, you need to grow up." The words were out of her mouth in an instant, and she regretted it immediately. Akihra knew how much this was going to hurt him, but he needed her to walk away in order to become self sufficient. He could not live off of her individually and confidence forever. He needed to find these things for himself. "You are my older brother; and here you are, wallowing in your own self-pity, unable to realize the damage you are doing to yourself. When are you going to open your eyes and see that the real world is not this happy, wonderful place that you'll be able to mooch off of Tehrin and I for the rest of your life?" She shot a steely, cold look in his direction.
It could not be said that Akihra did not love her brother. In fact, her actions were evidence that she did, indeed, love him more than words could describe. It was difficult for her to be so flat mean to him, and it was all she could do not to break down and apologize for what she said. She continued. "Until you can start depending on yourself, you don't need to be around me. I am going to be a mother. I have a life outside of you and Tehrin, and you need to step up and learn that you need to do the same for yourself, Torrah."
The femme turned abruptly, marching away from her brother with conviction. Akihra had no intentions of seeking him out until she knew that he could handle himself. Tehrin and herself would not always be around for him; at the rate Tehrin was going, she would wind up dead within a few years as the result of one of her stupid stunts. She needed to show him that she needed her individuality and, as much as she cared about him, he needed to stand on his own feet for once in his life.
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