defeat. [jay]

[kadhi]

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[atrb=background,http://img101.imageshack.us/img101/1379/kadhitablemiddle.png] The once proud Arabian sneaked away from the band of Isata wolves. His ears were still backed, tail still curled into his scrawny underbelly. How could he have been so wrong about the relationship he'd had with Jay? It seemed the younger male hated him, distrusted him, wanted nothing to do with him. It was an awful feeling to be rejected by one he had once been so close to. It was like he had just been disowned. Following his nose, he made his way to the lake. His thoughts and shoulders were heavy with the recent exchange of events. If Jay did not want him here then fine, he would leave. He would not overstay his welcome. But first he wanted to make sure he was fit for travel. The north was unforgiving in colder months and he had been on a suicidal path before. He was not willing to repeat such hardship, however. Even if his only remaining family had just forsaken him, it was not enough to make him want to die. He would have a drink and a small meal and then be on his way. It was the least the new pack could afford him even if he had not asked permission. They had, after all, just turned him away. Okay okay, so maybe he was exaggerating a little. The small brute had always been one for tall tales; he had a habit of embellishing everything. He had only been asked to not cause trouble. But, as trouble had been the farthest thing from his intent at all his brain had misconstrued the information. He thought he'd been told to "go away" and so he had obediently turned and left. His head dipped down low to the lake's surface, tongue lapping greedily at the water. He could not remember the last time he had drank and the dead sprint to see Jay again after so long had left him parched. That had been a mistake... He should have never let his hopes get the better of him like that. He had been on his own for too long and the idea of a familiar face had just been too enticing. And he had honestly never thought his relationship with Jay had been so stressed! Sure they had always bickered a lot, but Kadhi had never meant any harm by it. It was simply the way of his nature. Now he didn't know how to undo any of the harm he'd accidentally caused without turning his back on everything he'd once loved. The last time he'd done that Jay had shown hate towards him then too. The Arabian sank to his haunches, staring at his scraggly reflection in the water's surface. He looked old and tired, alone and so sad. Hanging his head, he let his eyes drift closed. Why did he feel so defeated?

[atrb=background,http://img101.imageshack.us/img101/1379/kadhitablemiddle.png] tagged: jay | words: 475 notes: none

[jay]

"Kadhi, wait!"

Jay had repeatedly yelled after the arabian brute who had disappeared from the group of wolves as soon as he had appeared. The grey brute had not intended to scare Kadhi away from them; he was merely wary of anything to do with the brute. Jay had very little confidence in anyone outside of Sapphire; the femme had managed to, in such a short period of time, sink her claws into every ounce of Jay's being. He probably would have thrown himself off a cliff for Sapphire if the situation were to arise. But that had nothing to do with the situation at hand.

Instead, it had come down to a matter of past versus present. Kadhi's behavior when he had approached the group of wolves had seemed much like the old Kadhi that Jay had grown up with. But the brute that had walked away from him back there... That was a completely different story. He had been shocked by how quickly Kadhi had turned his back on the situation. The arabian brute had never been one to back down quickly, and Jay had never seen him run away without facing his problems. It was part of the reason that Jay had asked Alearia not to follow them; he wondered if her behavior had been part of the catalyst in Kadhi disappearing.

The smell of fresh water flooded the brute's nostrils, along with the mingling of Kadhi's scent. He spied the arabian, calling out to him once more to prevent having the little brute turn on him in surprise. The last thing he needed was a nice slash across his nose. "Kadhi!"

He didn't know what he was going to say to him. He did not know what would make the situation better. But the arabian's voice had been resonating in his head since the words had been spoken. They were family. At least, they had been at some point. Jay had always looked up to Kadhi, and Kadhi had always belittled him, terrorized him, and gone out of his way to make things difficult for the brute when he was younger. Part of Jay knew that it was just Kadhi's personality, but he was tired of being pushed around. He had finally found himself a home that appreciated him and offered him the respect he needed to rebuild his life, and somehow Kadhi's reappearance had shattered his perfect image of home. Jay was lost in a fairytale world where everything fell into place, Sapphire would one day love him the way he was growing to love her, and they would have their happily ever after. But nothing was the way the brute saw it. He would not find happiness in one package so quickly. There had to be some suffering, and that was what he was starting to realize.

"Kadhi, I'm sorry," Jay sputtered his apology as soon as he was in decent hearing range of his old pack mate. "I didn't mean to be so rude to you. It's just seeing you, and not being in Aldgar, and losing everything, and... and... and well, it's just overwhelming. You do understand don't you?" He fumbled over his words, reverting back to the unsure "pup" that Kadhi had once known. His hyperness had finally been brought into check, though, so now he was just a bumbling, full-grown wolf who didn't know how to stand up for himself. He was back to square one when it came to Kadhi.

The problem was that Jay did not know how to control the transitions. One second, he was happily surrounded by what was most likely going to be his future pack. Kadhi's arrival had both startled him and, in a weird way, excited him. He had been eager to show Kadhi that he had amounted to something; he always felt like the smaller brute thought that he was going to grow up to be useless and pointless to whatever pack he may reside with. Now, he was going to be the Beta of Isata, a beautiful new pack founded on the happiness of friendship that himself and Sapphire shared. But where did Kadhi's appearance play into this? If anything, this was a major set back on Jay's recovery. It would take some time for him to regain the confidence by himself that he found when he stood by Sapphire's side. She was strong enough for the both of them, and he needed to learn to stand up for himself, alone or with Sapphire by his side. This was merely the first step of many to realizing just what a mess he had become.

[kadhi]

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[atrb=background,http://img101.imageshack.us/img101/1379/kadhitablemiddle.png] Apparently the distant callings of Jay's voice had not been just an illusion. Or an echo. Or... whatever. Kadhi didn't want to think about it. He felt like he was doing to much thinking. These past few months thinking was pretty much all he had done. It was weird, really, considering he had been known for his complete lack of forethought. He had never been one to think before he dared to speak or act. Now he was over thinking everything in an attempt to separate the past from the present and the reality from the world he had created for himself. As Jay came into hearing distance, the Arabian did not bother to rise. Instead he simply turned his head to watch the approach from over his shoulder. His large ears were pulled back in sadness, yellow eyes large and mistrustful. Kadhi didn't know what to expect. He no longer had a firm handle on his old friend's personality. Jay had been right to ask not to be called "pup" anymore; her most certainly wasn't one. It was a title from his past, much like the ranks of Aldgar, and one that was only clung to because it felt so familiar. The kid's apology damn near broke Kadhi's heart. Had his presence really been so... damaging? Had he really turned Jay back into the bumbling, insecure child he had known? The small male got to his feet, his ears still flat as he stared the nine or ten inches up to Jay's face. When had the grey male gotten so big? Sure he had known Jay when he'd hit his full height but now... It had just been so long and so much had happened since then. The face he was staring into was familiar and not all at the same time. It was unnerving and exciting and confusing all at once. They had both, it seems, grown. Slowly the scrawny male dared to walk closer. His steps were cautious and measured but he did not stop until he was close enough that he could press his head into the other male's chest. His eyes were closed, the gesture halfway between a headbutt and a nuzzle. It was meant to be comforting to both of them. Because he could not think of something fitting to say, he had decided to act instead. Kadhi's actions had always spoken louder than his words. Hopefully this one would do the same. Hopefully Jay would understand that there were no hard feelings and that things were different now, that things were going to be different and better. His voice was surprisingly soft when finally he did speak, hopeful as he asked for a clean slate. "Aldgar's gone... Can we start over?"

[atrb=background,http://img101.imageshack.us/img101/1379/kadhitablemiddle.png] tagged: jay | words: 455 notes: none

[jay]

Jay had practically just poured his heart out to the little arabian brute, and all he could ask was if they could just start over. In another situation, Jay would have been irritated by the lack of response to his words. He was damaged, it was true. Maybe that was part of the reason that he had so much difficulty opening up to anyone. Sapphire had been a fluke; that much he knew was true. Everything had just built up to a point that he could not hold it in any longer, and she happened to be nearby when the dam broke to pick up the pieces. In essence, Kadhi was the only thing that still remained of Aldgar, and while he did not feel comfortable staying in the Oriens, Kadhi's presence did not bring him that same disconcerted feeling.

As Kadhi had asked his question, Jay found himself nodding his head in agreement. He did not know had possessed him to agree to the offer; how could things possibly be any different than they were before? Kadhi had put a lot of stress on his back, and he was not sure how it would work with him being in a dominant position over the smaller brute. He had quickly proven himself to be stronger than the little arabian the last time that they had been face to face. But that still did not change the fact that Kadhi liked to talk big. The brute liked to make a name for himself, and Jay would not be able to handle it if the only way Kadhi could manage that was by putting him down.

"We're going to have to get some things straight, though," he found himself saying, almost not of his own accord. The words just seemed natural in his mouth, and they spilled over his lips like they were destined to arise at some point. "I am the Beta here. That means I won't let you push me around anymore. I'm willing to start over, but that doesn't make this any easier for me. You're going to have to be willing to work with me here." He was being fairly accommodating to the wolf in his mind. After all, not many wolves who had been treated the way that he had would be willing to give second chances. Even if it was all in good fun, he needed Kadhi's word that that sort of behavior was going to stop. He simply couldn't tolerate being belittled anymore.

Jay's self-confidence had just started to build itself back up. He knew that Alearia could see it, and Sapphire had acknowledged the difference from when he had first spoken to her. He did not want to take anymore steps backwards. The future was starting to look bright for him, and he needed to take any chances he could get to make things better. He and Sapphire were leading Isata, and they were going to do great things together. Surely having Kadhi around couldn't make things too much different... Could it?