Desperate measures for desperate times [Joining]

[avonlea]

This is a shot that the 50 pound she-wolf was going to have to take. The voice in her head was growing stronger and stronger, her anxieties were enough to make her consider suicide. She needed someone, anyone that would help her. Her white socks swiftly trotted along the ground. There was a scent of other wolves but, not a very strong one. She wondered how many others were actually here. Turn back, this is not the way to go. This is unsafe. The voice was whispering in her ear. It told her that joining a pack was bad, they would kill her but, she, after all these years has finally come to the conclusion that she needed help. It was not a want, it was not a simple whim, it was necessary. The voice was making bad decisions for her, it was leading her down the wrong path. She shook her head in an attempt to force the voice to quiet down. The red wolf contemplated what she would offer this alpha. She was not a medicine wolf, she was no where near big enough to be a lead hunter or any hunter by herself, she was crazier than she herself could even describe. She only hopped that the alpha would see some worth in her because, without it, she wouldn't know what to do. The red wolf began to feel dependent and full of pity for herself. She did not want to portray this to the alpha that would hopefully meet her. She did not want to beg this alpha for anything because, that is weakness and she has learned that weakness will get you killed. Some days, death doesn't sound to bad but, today she wanted to give a good shot at life.

Her senses were going wild. Her eyes darted everywhere, looking at every little thing that moved because, it might come out to eat her. Her voice spoke again. It will hurt you, that noise will hurt you. There is a predator in those bushes. It is hungry and wants you for lunch. This thought made her move faster. Those bushes and trees began to look more and more dangerous. Her ears were perked in alertness. She was not going to let her guard down, not even for a second.

After a few minutes, her anxiety cooled off a little bit and she found somewhere to howl. She threw back her head and let out a song for the alpha. She didn't particularly want an omega or a gatherer because those can't let you in. Only alphas can do that so, she wanted the alpha to come. The spring looked warm and inviting. It helped to calm her nerves in some odd way. It was beautiful. She let out a sigh and waited for the alpha to arrive. She spoke out loud to her voice and told it to be quiet during the meeting. She did not want to have to deal with listening to two wolves talking at the same time because it was confusing. Avonlea hoped that the alpha would not show up as she was seemingly talking to herself.

She laid back her ears, not in anger or aggression but, because she was a rather shy wolf and meeting others was not one of her favorite things to do.

Words:562
muse: not bad at all
notes: she suffers from a little schizophrenia and anxiety so most of her thoughts are not actually her own.

[akihra]

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[atrb=background,http://img809.imageshack.us/img809/3046/kiratablemid.png][atrb=width,450,true] The peppered alphess had wandered absently for quite some time. Her grandfather had disappeared, Sariya was flitting about aimlessly without any leadership, and Akihra was confused. Why had the great pack of Haishin collapsed under her leadership? Zethrox had managed to keep the wolves here; was she just not cut out to be an alphess? The self-doubting filled every ounce of the femme's body as she strode along the borders, remarking her scent markers in a feeble attempt to keep hold of her claim. You could imagine Akihra's surprise when, out of the blue, a howl filled her ears. It had seemed like so long since someone had bothered to explore Kamari, and she could not help but doubt whether they intended to stay or not. In fact, maybe the wolf was just seeking passage through her territory to get to the bustling lands of Acerbus. Since the demise of the Salen pack, Acerbus had been crawling with wolves looking to be led by some new beastly alpha. The wolves that led in Acerbus were truly extraordinary; from the rumors, this brute was much larger than any wolf she had ever seen, and she did not want to get on his bad side. Perhaps proposing a merger or a potential alliance with the pack would be a good diplomatic move... Akihra sighed. With a little more conviction in her movements, she trotted towards the howling femme, hoping in the back of her mind that this would be someone who could help her turn the pack around. Haishin had to survive; it was her family's legacy. First she had lost Tehrin and Torrah. She did not need to lose the only thing that remained her of sanity. The femme clipped out a demanding howl for her daughter to return to her side. She was anxious being away from Sariya. Sure, the territory seemed safe enough for her to romp and play, but Kira was still cautious after the sketchy brute she had found her daughter associating with the last time she wandered off. Not everyone was kind, and she had learned that the hard way. Spying the strange wolf, Akihra approached cautiously. She got a bit of a negative vibe from her, but she could not allow her first impressions to govern her thoughts. With her rigid dominant body language, she smiled tersely. "Greetings, femme," she approached the wolf, yet kept a short distance between them in case things for some reason turned ugly. "I am Akihra, alphess of the Haishin pack. To what do I owe this visit to Kamari?" ((OOC: Sorry it took a bit; just finished my finals last night.))

[avonlea]

The alpha's body language was rigid and dominant. A display that she did not mind. She needed a leader, someone to protect her and help her through her troubles. She needed someone fearless yet accepting. She had heard about the pack in Acerbus and it was not to her liking. The alpha sounded harsh and not empathetic in the least bit. Empathy and forgiveness was a trait that her alpha must have. The voice in her head controlled a lot of her actions. Many of those actions are ones that she didn't really want to do but felt that she had to do them. She needed a leader and up until this point, the voice had been her only leader which is why she wanted a new leader. Maybe that was why the voice didn't want her to join a pack. It must know that if she joined then it would no longer be her boss. It loved control and losing it was its worse fear. She knew this. She knew the voice from the very hours she was born. She knew that power was something that it loved and taking it away might silence it for a while or maybe just make it softer. Whatever it was going to do, she had to try something. The voice was not good for her to be listening to.

The alpha spoke to her. It was nice to hear a voice other than her own and the one in her head. Meeting others was not her strong point and talking to a stranger made her uncomfortable. She tried to conceal this as best as possible. One only has one chance at a first impression and did not want to screw this up. Hello, my name is Avonlea. I'm sorry if I interrupted something important. She tried to make some kind of eye contact with the alpha but continued to look back down at her feet. her body language was submissive, she was not looking for a fight with her or to start any trouble. Her voice was sincere and a bit shaky but nothing too bad. I was wondering if I could...join your pack? Her voice sounded more like a question and was not very assertive at all. She was completely at the alpha's mercy. I can't offer you much but, I can learn to do whatever needs to be done. When she said that, she was looking at the female but, not directly into her eyes. Partially because it was considered rude for many wolves and partially because communication was not really her best trait. Her body language was still submissive and she tried to make herself look as not threatening as possible.

((OOC: Its alright lol sorry bout the short post))

[akihra]

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[atrb=background,http://img809.imageshack.us/img809/3046/kiratablemid.png][atrb=width,450,true] As the lone female introduced herself, Akihra nodded in a silent greeting. Avonlea expressed her interest in joining Haishin, and Kira could not hide the smile that spread across her lips. It had been so long since someone had sought her out in regards to the pack; Irirangi had approached her, but she had never made heads or tails of what the femme actually wanted. Eventually Akihra had just wandered away from the bizarre maned wolf; if she truly wanted to join Haishin, she would seek out the alpha female once more. But this wolf had come directly to her in hopes of a family. It would be a great change for Akihra to have the company of someone other than her daughter. As much as she loved Sariya, each day was difficult as she looked into her daughter's eyes and saw little bits of Ryker. She missed her long gone mate more than she cared to express. He had run out on her at such a crucial time, and she wondered if her less than receptive reaction to their union had deterred him. Nonetheless, Akihra had moved on and was making a life for herself. Eventually everything would work itself out. That much, she could guarantee. Akihra cleared her throat. "Welcome to Kamari, Avonlea. I would be more than happy to offer you a home in Haishin," she informed the femme with a soft smile. Her eagerness was dying down quickly; in fact, her mind was racing in an attempt to figure out just how this would play out. She needed to see her daughter, but Sariya was either still holed up in the dens or off frolicking in the meadows again. The little wolf was her comfort and her only remaining tie to her ex-mate, and it pained her to be away for any length of time. Maybe she was a bit of a masochist, but she longed for the pain that the memories of Ryker brought her. It reminded her that he had existed in the first place.

[avonlea]

The alpha had welcomed her to the pack and smiled warmly at her. A response that she was certainly not expecting. You bad wolf Avonlea, I told you not to join a pack and you disobeyed me. You are going to regret it. The voice had not spoken until this point. It had threatened her, something that it had not done before. It was frightening. It sounded like the voice thought that it owned her and in a way, it did or at least it had in the past. She wanted the voice out of her head, she was sick of it. It had controlled her life for too many years. She shook her head slightly to try to get it to be quiet but, it persisted with it's threats. It told her that it would give her nightmares and that a strange wolf was going to find her in the middle of the night and eat her alive. The voice knew exactly how to make her anxiety run wild. She knew that she would not be sleeping tonight. Thank you, Alphess. She tried to smile back at her new alpha but, with the voice telling her all of those things, it was hard to smile. She wasn't sure how to act in a pack. She had not been a part of one since she was very young and had long forgotten the rituals of pack life. She didn't want to disrespect the Alphess, especially on her first day. I haven't been a part of pack life in a very long time so I apologize ahead of time if I do something wrong. Her voice was very sincere and humble sounding. She honestly did not want to screw anything up. She hoped that Akihra would understand.

The voice continued in her head, making her anxiety even worse. She wanted to get out of here because the voice was making her believe that there was something hiding and ready to attack her. She didn't want to just get up and run like she usually would because now she had another authority. She waited for Akihra to make the first move.

[akihra]

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[atrb=background,http://img809.imageshack.us/img809/3046/kiratablemid.png][atrb=width,450,true] As Avonlea addressed her concerns with living in a pack once more, she shook her head. It was not much of a concern to her at the moment; if Sariya were put in any danger because of her presence, then they would reevalutate her decision. At this point, she was just content to have the company of another adult wolf. However, as soon as the femme had settled into the idea of a new companion, she found herself searching the horizon once more. Another wolf had called for her attention, and her excitement was unparalleled. Shortly after the new femme's cry, however, the screaming howl of the neighboring alpha reached her ears. She laid them back in distress. What could this wolf possibly have done to make him so angry? she thought anxiously, now a little concerned to go greet the newcomer. What would she say to a wolf that had just been scorned by their neighbors, if it even happened to be the same wolf, that was. Akihra sighed mightily. "Avonlea, would you like to accompany me to greet our new friend?" she inquired, attempting to pretend that the neighbor alpha's howl had not just rung through all of Kamari. She would cross that bridge when they got there, if they ever got there. Gesturing in the direction of the howl, Akihra headed off at a light trot. She let out her own short howl, alerting the newcomer that she was on her way; in addition, she called out to Sariya, asking her to meet them whenever she could. Akihra was growing anxious being away from Sariya for so long. She would have to catch sight of her pup in tact before she could relax once more. Her paws pounded against the earth, drawing her closer to what might possibly be one of the greatest problems, aside from the knaves, that Haishin had ever been forced to confront. Here goes nothing.

[avonlea]

There was a howl off in the distance and then what sounded like an alpha howling. She wasn't exactly sure if the two howls had anything to do with each other. Her alphess asked her if she would like to come along to meet the new wolf. The mere thought of this scared her out of her mind. Meeting another wolf? In the same day? This could possibly be too much for her but, Avonlea could not deny her alphess' request. Akihra was her leader, her boss. She could not refuse such a nicely asked question. Besides, the voice said nothing about not meeting another and the whole reason she wanted to join a pack was to get over some of her anxieties.

Avonlea simply nodded her head an followed her leader. Akihra had taken a light trot so, Avonlea trotted behind her. The alphess told the new comer that she was coming. Avonlea decided that her arival at the rendezvous point was unimportant. The only reason she was going in the first place was because she had been with the alphess when the other howled. She would more than likely stay completely silent through the entire visit. These are things that cannot be fixed in one day but, she was making slight progress by going to meet two wolves in the same day.

Be a good wolf Avonlea, and do exactly what I tell you. The voice had spoken again. This time it was not threatening her but, she knew her punishment was still to come. The voice had been with her for so long, why not listen to it? Because it had hurt her, it had betrayed her. She did not want this voice anymore. It had taken over her life and tied her in it's knots. She was angry at the voice. She wanted it gone. She shook her head to make it stop talking. She was behind Akirha far enough to the point were she wouldn't have seen the head shake which she was happy about. She didn't want to have to explain what she was doing. The wolf you are about to meet wants to kill you. It will eat you alive in your sleep. The voice's words scared the young female. It was petrifying to hear that you are going to die. Her anxieties were a firey red hot mess at the moment. She did not want to take another step but, she must continue on with Akirha.

Joining this pack was going to do her some good. She was being forced to deal with her anxieties already. She knew that this was the right decision in her head but, her heart was telling her that this was going to be the hardest thing she had ever done. Getting rid of the voice was going to be challenging and she was going to fail multiple times before being free from it. She was willing to do that, as long as it went away.