Indestructible [open]

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A sigh escaped her exhausted muzzle and the femme roughly seated herself. The small den with her three pups lay directly behind her, they were being good for once and sleeping. It had been difficult for the Mackenzie Valley femme to get herself back into shape with them around, but they were worth such a large sacrifice. Between playing with them and sneaking outside, Sarin had already eliminated much excess weight caused by the pregnancy. Her shallow mind could not fathom looking so massively disgusting for any longer. It was soothing to sit beneath the moon's gentle light, it gave her an opportunity to sort through her thoughts. Emerald eyes gazed upwards into the dismal ebony waves above her, the silver orb seemed farther from the earth than usual. It brought cascading ripples across her pelt, 'how has life managed to change this much?' When she requested to join Descai the thought of pups had been vacant from her crania, but now she had them. A few months ago all she had been driven towards was power and glory, any form of attention she could receive from others.

Sarin was not willing to stop her own training mentally or physically and it was becoming quite exhausting to the new mother. Yet, she knew what the outcome would be if she ignored her own needs to care for the whelps, resentment. It was a risk she was unwilling to take; after all, these pups were the only creatures that had ever needed her at all. If she could even call it that, Shayde could have nursed them the same as herself. One day they would no longer desire to spend time with their mother, they would grow older and become more independent. This fact was one that the shaman had accepted before even birthing the creatures. It was safer to acknowledge the reality of the situation before it happened, then she would not be caught off guard and unaware. Her audits remained perked upon her head, wiggling every so often in order to detect the young ones' every movements. She could not let anything happen to the three of them, for now they were relying upon her - she was not going to let them down.

Emerald optics could not resist the urge to turn and gaze upon the three of them, the survivors. She had expected that some would be stillborn; yet, when her son died it had caught the female off guard. It was the Alpha's only son from her litter that had passed on, but she did not assume it affected him much. He had quite a large family now and many other children, did one less really matter? Probably not when the pup had died so young; however, it had stabbed at her own pride. A sense of failure had crippled her for nearly a day before she could actively resume her life, although it was unlikely that anyone noticed a difference within her behavior. So long as the others survived long enough to reach maturity, then she would not feel incompetent. At that point they would be old enough to make their own decisions; thus, putting their lives somewhat out of her control. When that time came, the mottled ebony female would be alone like she was used to. It would be a strange change after caring for them, already she knew this, but that time would come and she would prevail. Nothing was going to drag her down forever, except death of course - it was nearly impossible to avoid the eternal sleep.

Atlas was a concern of hers as well, as the Alpha was unclear of his intentions for the pup. It was spawn that was not his own and Sarin despised the uncertainty. She tried to coax herself into believing that he would have killed the pup shortly after birth rather than allow it to age with his spawn. At least three of them had survived, with her interest in poisonous herbs there was always the potential that they could have all died or been deformed. None of the whelps looked like her; yet, maybe that was a blessing rather than a curse. Perhaps it would be their saving grace and their lives would be joyous and full of beneficial relationships. She had no intentions of dying or abandoning them, but she doubted that her mother had planned on it either. And father? Well, she had never cared to find him it was apparent that he was not concerned for her. He had disappeared and when he did his memory faded into the back of young Sarin's mind, her only thoughts were learning to survive.

And she had learned quickly how to care for herself as it became increasingly obvious that no others would. That held true even now, perhaps it was simply fate - it had to give some creatures terrible lives in order for the others to appreciate the good. The majority of her was proud of where she had brought herself, the challenges that were overcome. Coping with this situation was simply another bump in the road, something new to face and learn from. Life was cruel to her mentally; however, it had allowed her to excel physically. Until she had become pregnant, the Alpha had trusted her to teach his son how to fight and become a true warrior. That task would likely never be given to her again, but the memory still brought a slight smile to her maw. Things were not so bad, not yet at least. The future remained a mystery, but she still was the same narcissistic canine as before. Those three little ones snoozing in the den behind her were the only ones that would see her true heart.

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Several moons had passed since Róvanfaer had stumbled upon the Descai Alpha and Sarin, the she wolf whom had just birthed her pups. Until that moment, Rovan had little to do with the black and brown wolf. After that moment, Róvanfaer had much to do with her. Vorilye had made mention that Sarin needed to be protected. Apparently the pups she carried were both Vorilye’s and another wolf’s offspring. It surprised the young brute that the Alpha would have allowed Sarin to stay within the pack let alone keep her pups. However, he didn’t quite have the full story. Maybe there was more to it than he realized. Whatever the case, Róvanfaer soon found himself in the position of protector to Sarin. It was his duty to keep tabs on the older female and watch over her. The task sat awkwardly with Rovan at first. She was a female he barely knew, yet it was his job to pry into her privacy and follow her every move. Over time, Róvanfaer grew into his position taking it very seriously. It had been a direct request of his Alpha, after all. Through the months, Sarin and Rovan came to spats with him always being around her. It took some time to get used to the female for Rovan to realize she needed her personal space as much as he did. He had gotten better at giving her some leeway while still keeping a watchful eye on her. The young brute was bound and determined to not let any harm befall the female. It was reflect directly upon him as being a failure at his one job. Róvanfaer was not having that, no way, no how. It has been quite the ride for both wolves, but they have somehow managed. Tonight, the moon was out casting its silver glow upon the ground. Róvanfaer tread lightly nothing more than a whisper floating through the plain of Kamari. Since becoming Sarin’s watcher, the brute had spent much time in the barren lands. That was one of the hardest things for Rovan to adjust to. It had been hard enough keeping his eye on someone most of the time, but it was another thing to almost be completely cut off from his homeland. Sighing, the male sniffed at the ground catching Sarin’s scent. It had been an older one, perhaps by a couple of hours. He had a ways to go before he got to the den. Almost without fail, Rovan knew this was where Sarin was. Like any good mother, she wouldn’t wander too far from her innocent, defenseless cubs. Sometime later Róvanfaer stumbled upon the entrance to the den. Before stepping closer, however, the brute stopped in his tracks staring slack-jawed at the femme before him. The light from the moon shimmered and illuminated Sarin’s pelt with beautiful snippets of black and silver with bits of brown. Róvanfaer’s breath caught in his chest momentarily. Shaking his head, the brute recovered from his moment of weakness and stepped forward quietly. “Hello, Sarin. How are the pups doing?” he asked with a low, rumbling voice. He patiently waited near the entrance unsure of whether or not he was permitted in. She, like any mother, was fickle on who could enter a whelping den and who couldn’t. Rovan gave her a light nod, “And yourself? Are you doing alright?”

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A quiet sigh escaped the busy mother's mouth, life was full of unexpected changes. At least she could believe that she no longer looked like a whale, perhaps the nights of training were slowly but surely paying off. Certainly she hoped so. Especially after the small male's death, the femme set her mind to working herself back into shape - to guard not only her narcissistic pride, but the three survivors. One of the pups made a gentle whine and instantly her vibrant gaze pierced through the darkness. 'Just a nightmare,' she chuckled slightly in her mind, they were safe. All of them would be safe and healthy, she needed to persistently remind herself of that. Her daughters were guaranteed safety, they were the nameless Alpha's children and she did not foresee him putting them in danger. Atlas was an entirely different story, it was difficult to tell how the brute felt about the other male's pup. It simply made her heart sink to think of the Alpha casting him away.

Ever alert, the femme felt her watcher's approach; by now she had accepted him as a permanent feature within her life, at least for the time being. The male had been snapped at on multiple occasions and screamed at a few, but the Mackenzie Valley female was secretly grateful for his presence. It was the longest that another creature had dared to be this close to her. She knew he was only there because the Alpha requested it; however, a part of her felt extremely special. It was nice not to spend an eternity alone, even if she did demand her space on occasion. Sarin could not simply let her knowledge waste away! Inwardly she smiled as the brute drew closer, it took all of her self-restraint to avoid sending her emerald gaze his direction. As sick as it was, this was the closest encounter to a friendship that she ever had. Perhaps she needed this in order to become accustomed to actual socialization.

Audits swiveled in tune with her eyes as she directed her attention towards his words. It was nice to have someone to talk with other than the pups; this form of isolation was far from normal to her. Her heart sank slightly as he inquired about the pups, it was obvious they were doing alright. Their three tiny bodies were all curled together, gentle snores catching the air once in awhile. But they demanded constant attention, this much she knew. It would be quite some time before any notice would fall upon her once again, yet that was the way of being a mother. Softly she smiled, a strange fondness came over her when it came to the young ones. "They are doing quite well, it seemed they managed to tire themselves out today." A light chuckle parted ways with her muzzle as she imagined their silly games. It was strange to think that at such a young age she too had been pouncing at her own mother, but it was not long after that when Sarin had to face the world alone. Mommy died and Daddy vanished. A pain echoed throughout her stomach as a reminder of the agony of being nearly starved to death.

A rather suggestive grin crossed her features for a split second as he inquired about her. It was rare that any spoke of her health or happiness in any form. Even the Alpha seemed to have forgotten that she was a living creature. For the most part it seemed that she was the only one hunting to feed the three young mouths; although on several occasions she had found a meal or two left within the den for them. Sarin did not know who was helping provide for them, but was silently gracious for such assistance. Her mind and body were growing weary from the never ceasing strain she put upon them. "I am doing better now, and how are you faring? Growing weary of our company yet?" her tone was eater teasing at the end and the same smile began to tug lightly at her lips. The Shaman knew not why she was being so friendly towards Rovan, only that it was becoming a more frequent occurrence.

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After asking his first question, Rovan’s steady green eyes took in the soft smile that crossed Sarin’s lips as she turned to gaze at her young. For a second he was mesmerized. Finally the brute turned toward the pups hidden in the den. Sarin answered his question causing a smile of his own to form upon his muzzle. “Pups have a knack for that,” he murmured softly his own chuckle matching her’s. A brief series of non-sequential flashes of memories flickered through the young brute’s mind - he and his brother and sister playing, his dad teaching the pups to hunt, his mom watching them play. Róvanfaer took in a breathe releasing it moments later with a heavy sigh. It seemed so long ago, yet Rovan knew he himself was nothing but a pup. Life had thrown him to the proverbial wolves and he fought tooth and nail for his survival; but, what did he really, truly know about life? Not much. Sitting back upon his haunches, Rovan asked about Sarin. No doubt it was tiring work to be a mother. A part of the brute was glad he wouldn’t have to go through the troubles of a pregnant mother or a mother of young pups. Being a dad seemed tough enough. His eyes swept the young little wolves again taking in their growing size. It seemed like just yesterday they had just been but a couple days old. Now they were almost old enough to start their own adventures. His green orbs flickered to Sarin momentarily wondering if their father would assist in raising them or if Sarin was left to raise them herself. What a daunting feat to raise a litter of cubs alone. The grin that came to life upon Sarin’s muzzle had the tip of Rovan’s tail twitching. Looking away, the wolf peered into the distant, relatively barren land looking for any possible threats. Of course, there were none. At her second question the brute couldn’t help but to laugh. Realizing it might have been a tad loud, he sheepishly clawed at the ground beneath his paws. “I am doing well. As for your company, I truly do not mind it.” He hesitated glancing at Sarin from the side, “For the first time in a long time, I feel useful. Keeping you ‘company’ gives me purpose.” Admitting this was hard and strange for Róvanfaer. He was not used to showing emotions to others like this. Most of the time he preferred to keep such intimate things to himself. Gruffly clearing his throat, the wolf stood to his paw padding forward to the edge of the den. “Do you need anything, Sarin? Other than rest, I mean. Food perhaps?” He asked looking over to the brown and black she-wolf over his shoulder. “I live to serve after all,” he whispered with a clever smirk.

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Emerald eyes caught Rovan's gentle gaze upon her and simply dismissed it as him performing his duties. After all, she was a mere shadow of her former glory now. Three little whelps had taken some of the fire from the female's personality, she could not risk the Alpha throwing them out. Well, herself and Atlas anyway - Zofia and Valeria were likely safe as they were his offspring. Stress was building inside of her, slowly tearing her apart. What was going to become of them anyway? It was not like their leader had given her any direct answer when it came to their fate. He preferred to let the Mackenzie Valley femme dwell upon it. The thought was enough to send bristles of anger throughout her body. Not knowing was the absolute worst, the shaman was nosy and demanded that everything be straightforward. This time she was not going to get that. It seemed that her life had taken more unpredictable twists since joining Descai, at times making her wonder if she had even made the right decision. After all, she had not attained anything that she had desired.

As he seated himself a wave of relief overcame the femme. It irked her slightly for she was not accustomed to enjoying another's company. The concept of having a friend was nearly frightening although she had subconsciously craved such companionship for her entire life. Rather than admitting to such a longing, she had blinded herself with her own incredible attributes. Her mind focused solely on being the best as it seemed all the others only wanted to knock her down. Soon enough even the pups wouldn't need her, is that when the Alpha would cast her aside? Perhaps he simply did not wish to overwhelm Shayde since she had her own offspring. This could be another one of Sarin's assigned duties. It seemed they were all temporary, when would he grow bored of occupying the dark femme's time? She was an overachiever that demanded constant stimulation; otherwise, she became distant and bored. There was always something new that she could learn somewhere else. Perhaps her loyalty would never be deeply rooted somewhere unless there was some connection to another living creature, that could be why he had taken her. She loathed the thought of him having some other purpose for their pups.

A slight chuckle parted ways with her muzzle and she returned a rather playful side glance towards the brute. "It seems we both feel useful now." Sarin cared deeply for her offspring, but in her mind they were not supposed to be here. Never had she wanted pups, nor even thought about it. Had she ever given any consideration to it, Sarin would have wanted them to have a proper upbringing - something better than she had at least. Daddy dearest was busy with his hoard of children and she was left to tend to them most of the time. It made her heart tremble with sadness and rage. Perhaps Atlas was not the Alpha's child, but the other three had been. Even when the young male had died, he seemed to care so little; after all, he had other sons - why was that one so important? Zofia and Valeria were spitting images of the brute, one only being ivory rather than ebony. She shook her crania slightly, attempting to relinquish such upsetting thoughts from her mind. The whelps were happy at least, they received more teaching and play time than she ever had - they were brought up to matter, not to become some mindless drone that lived to serve. Sarin had focused all of her time and energy breaking the mold she was born into, attempting to matter in this frigid universe.

"Thank you for extending such a generous offer, but if you have nowhere to be your company is what I desire tonight," a nearly shy giggle and a subconscious gaze away from her protector immediately followed the words. Instantly Sarin masked such a silly display, attempting to stifle the enjoyment she was experiencing from not being alone. Claws flexed deep into the earth beneath, attempting to keep the strange femme grounded into her beliefs. There was simply no reason to believe that the future would be any different than the past or present; she refused to make a mockery of herself. This was simply another job for both of them, something they would overcome in order to gain favor in their Leader's eyes. 'Why would he befriend me? He is no fool, and I am far too distant to be reached by emotional things.' She knew she was lying to herself, but if she repeated it enough times it would become the truth. It always did. She was flawless and intelligent, not even mentioning her physical beauty - this episode was nothing. Even the best canine ever had a weakness, the shaman was proof of that.

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Useful. Purpose. Róvanfaer’s eyes closed momentarily as he took in a breath. That was all the brute ever wanted. He wanted to feel as if he had something to live for. Descai gave him that in protecting Sarin and her pups, but was it enough? Eventually Sarin would most likely tire of having Rovan around and living under his watchful gaze. The pups would grow up eventually and some would leave the pack to start a life of their own. What would he do then? There was the prospect of rising within the ranks of Descai that did appeal to Róvanfaer; however, the half mixed wolf was not quite so sure this was where he truly belonged. He was grateful to his Alpha for giving him the opportunity, but there was something missing. The brute couldn’t ever seem to figure out what that something was, although. Rovan’s ears flickered back to catch all of Sarin’s words. A small smile played upon his muzzle. “As you wish, ma’am.” His reply was smooth and husky. A smirk lay across his lips as he turned to Sarin peering at the brown and black femme from over his shoulder. Shaking out his fur, the wolf stood up and padded further into the den. His paws came to a rest close to the she-wolf’s pups. Green eyes flickered down to peer at the group. Rovan sat back upon his haunches watching the little whelps wriggle about in their sleep with a chorus of puppy whimpers. Already they had grown so large. A small smile appear as he watched them there. So carefree, so innocent. Although Róvanfaer did not know the whole story, he had picked up on the fact that one of the young pups was not the Alpha’s. It was obvious in the black wolf’s treatment and looks of the other two pups. For whatever reason, this young little brute reminded Rovan of himself often drawing the brown and cream wolf’s attention more than the others. He felt bad for giving so much attention to one and not the others, but in all honesty the other two received more attention than the latter. Well, more attention when the Alpha actually decided to pay a visit. A curious gaze had Rovan looking over to Sarin wondering what she was up to when a little whine called his attention back to the pups. The little male, Atlas, had rolled too far away from his siblings. Gently nosing the brute back next to the others, Rovan tenderly smiled again. Clearing his throat, Rovan realized that the she-wolf might not be so pleased to have him touch one of her precious offspring. He stepped away closer to the den entrance. “They have not proven to be too much of a burden for you, have they Sarin?” he asked quietly, inquiringly. If she needed more time, perhaps he could fill in for her on occasion. Rovan had such little dealings with pups, but it would do him some good for his own brood when he chose to take that path - if the opportunity ever arose. @sarin (Hope this post is ok! I PPed Atlas a little. If it's not, let me know and I'll change it!)