This Too Shall Pass [Zira]

[Deleted]

She'd done it, now -- oh God, had she done it, and the damage was irreparable.

The all-seeing eyes of Yahvi had known. They saw without seeing and they knew without asking. There are some things that all the questioning in the world cannot uncover, but the great white she-wolf had quarried to the core of it. She had exploited every weakness and had determined every fault. Just the sight of her – just the tugging gravity of her aura – had been enough to cause the doomed black she-wolf to submit to her every whim. Had it been out of fear? Fear of her own demise?

Djinkka could not keep her racing thoughts from replaying that final, bloody test. The wolf had never seen it coming. Her beastly image had been the last thing it knew before slipping out of the waking world. What nightmares would it know in the afterlife? Would it remember always how its flesh had been torn from it? How the teeth of its own kind had stripped it of its final breath? Would it peer at her from its final resting place and remember her face? In her manic state, she could feel its wild, ghostly eyes on her now, staring unseen. Staring its accusations into her soul. Murderess. Fiend. Monster. Its screams filled her twitching ears, its death rattles echoing the pitiful noises that had leaked from her sister before nature had claimed her.

Her stomach turned violently at the thought of it. I have killed for the second time.

She was a monster. And now, no one could deny that. There could be no justification or dodging blame. This time she had not been a naïve pup. She had known full well what she was doing when she had approached the lone wolf alongside Sanris. Sanris, that awful creature– he had probably enjoyed it, hadn’t he? Had probably relished the warm taste of the canine’s blood. The feeling of flesh easily giving way at the sharp tips of claws. He probably counted with satisfaction the same experience which now raped her mind with horrific visions. And now, they were both counted among the ranks of this deranged pack. Refusal would surely have meant execution.

Why? Why? What damning fate had drawn her to this place of no escape? Surely, she was being punished. A retroactive punishment for her young sins. For her greed. For her ignorance. For what she was. For what she had become.

For there was no one to blame for this but herself. No reason to ask why when the answer had been there all along. She had murdered her sister through greed and negligence. She had abandoned her home. She had allowed the cruel words of others to penetrate her psyche. She had wanted to be great – had yearned for greatness. Yahvi’s promise still stood. Ask, and you shall receive.

The deadened, wide eyes of the lone wolf flashed through her mind’s eye once more. She steeled herself to the image, her heart and mind racing. So be it. It was decided, then. Why deny any more the beast she had become? She already looked the part. She had taken the test and passed it, of her own free will. There had been no mind control, no turning of her wrist – and if she had been too stupid to counter Yahvi’s mind games then she had only her own shortcomings to blame.

She was of the Osani now.

word count: 573
tags: @zira
ooc: She's just pacing around by the lake.

[Deleted]

The lake was breathtaking. Though it was chilly with the wind and moisture in the air, it was still a sight to be seen. The crisp air was refreshing. In her mind, Zira replayed the image of her and Kismet dancing alone in the cave. It was such an intimate experience for both. Something that touched both's hearts in a special and unique way. But then thoughts of Jericho invaded her head. He was so charming, like Kismet. He was so full of life and was flattering. But something pulled her away from him for the time being to be with Kismet. His attention was always 100% on her. Jericho sometimes seemed... Too far away, even with the compliments rolling from his tongue. But they were both of Ultoris and she was undeniably attracted to his demeanour.

During her pacing around the lake, Zira had scented something strong. Something new, as well. Her eyes narrowed and her eyebrows knotted together and she spotted it soon. A dark femme pacing, just as Zira had been. The way she walked, her steps so unsure and faltering. Zira could see the trouble within her. Zira knew it once herself and remembered how she could feel it boring on her shoulders, watching her with it's dark eyes. Never leaving, never relenting. Zira began to walk towards her, her nature taking over. Her compassion never leaving her shoulders, having replaced the burden of sorrow.

As she approached closer, her eyes softened and the confusion left for now. She was not one to pry, by all means. But where she could help, with God as her witness she would lend her hand. She would lend her hand, her wisdom, her knowledge of healing. In reality, she was a spirit created for the very purpose of healing. Be it physical pain, or a repetition of pain in the mind, she would do whatever it took. Zira was only feet away now, and smiled a little. She didn't want to startle this wolf; she knew nothing about her. The green eyed sylph breathed a light breath before she spoke, her voice soft and low. Also, warm, and full of a compassion none could ever turn away. You seem troubled.

- - -

ooc; wow okay this sucks i am sorry! hahah here we gooo

[Deleted]

Djinkka paced back and forth like a sentinel, her heavy steps sinking into the plush soil as though the Earth were struggling to support her weight. Beyond her restless movements, the sky reflected the lake, which gazed back towards the sky in an endless give-and-take. Two great blue eyes, locked in an eternal staring contest. The lakewater that afternoon had seemed impossibly clear and pure, as though blessed – Djinkka had struggled to cleanse herself in it. As the tissue-thin wisps of red liquid drifted off into the crystalline waters, the guilt had weighed in her heart. To dirty a thing so pure with corrupt blood – her sins continued to mount. But she could not bear the feeling of the wolf’s spilled life force tangled into her fur any longer. She was hyperaware of its presence; an itching, burning sensation that radiated out from her extremities and threatened to consume her entirely if she hadn’t rinsed it out soon. Even while pacing, nearly two hours removed from the ordeal, she could still feel it eating away at her skin – and in her mind’s eye the lakewater would never be so pure again.

Lost in the violent throes of her own thoughts, the dark-furred behemoth never noticed the green-eyed she-wolf’s approach. Her head seemed on a pivot, her eyes shifting from the soil to the lake, to the sky, down to her own body, as she considered the monstrous capabilities of her terrible form. Her tail hung motionless behind her, dragging its tip lifelessly in the loam. Her eyes may have been open, but she saw nothing except the same scene over and over again – though now the camera had turned, and her vantage point was that of a bystander looking on. She saw the lone wolf’s horror, saw the plodding but determined gait of her own enormous black body, watched the calculated leap, heard the sickening crunch of contact –

The sound of a voice dragged Djinkka back into the conscious world. The measures that Zira had taken not to startle her were for naught; with an alarmed snarl, the black she-wolf whipped her vicious face toward the one who had intruded and bared her deadly fangs. Her pale yellow eyes were wide, pupils constricted and twitching wildly. In that furious instant she might have been taken for mad. But as Zira’s form came into focus, her intriguing green eyes caught and held the snarling she-wolf’s attention. Her expression did not seem hostile, but rather, concerned. It was as if she was a spirit, and had apparated out of the Earth itself.

Calming from her frenzy, Djinkka’s gaze flickered over the smaller female. Who was she? A loner? One of her new packmates? Her scent – she inhaled it, trying to get a read on where she might have come from. It was not familiar. It smelled of pack life – but not of the Osani. A stranger from another land, then.

Immediately, Djinkka jumped on the offensive. Some irrational fear in the back of her mind was making her certain that this femme could tell what she had done. She knows. Somehow, she knows. Despite the fact that she had long washed away any remnants of the aftermath, and that the scent of blood would have faded well enough by now, the anxiety clawed at her from within. The burning sensation left by the long-cleansed blood flared more powerfully than ever.

“Who are you?” she demanded. Her low, growling voice needed no real effort to sound fierce and authoritative. But helplessness peered out from within her searching yellow eyes.

word count: 575
tags: @zira
ooc: Out, damned spot!

[Deleted]

immediately, the much darker and larger wolfess before Zira jumped to an offensive state of being. Zira took a step back, showing she didn't want trouble. But only one, because there was no way she was going to just run away. She could tell this femme was in pain. Though she may not know what it be, Zira knew she couldn't just turn her back on someone she had the potential to aid. Her voice was demanding and had control over Zira. She was not violent by nature, and thus knew no such tone for herself. Instead, she allowed her eyes to mirror the compassion in her heart hoping this wolfess might see it for herself. My name is Zira.

Her voice was so soft- almost inaudible. Smiling a little warmer, Zira sat down and tucked her tail over her paws. So far her movements were all leading up to the same message; she was no thread and had no intentions of leaving this femme alone until she had lended whatever help she could. This pushiness was a trait of the green eyed sylph when it came to any aspect she could help in. However, her eyes were much softer right now then the gears turning in her head. This dark yellow eyed wolf obviously was not feeling in the right. Zira could not decode anything but that. Her lips were not smiling now, but her emerald orbs were. How any could ever see this woman as a thread was far beyond her. Never had Zira shed blood, not her own or that of another.

Zira's heart broke when she could see the feeling of helplessness within her company's yellow eyes. Zira could remember without effort the days when she knew the same thing. She smiled now and cocked her head to the side a little, offering a small unsure tilt of lips. I mean no harm at all. I only wish to lend my help where it is needed. And, I don't mean to pry, but it is obvious you are not well. Zira spoke softly and warmly. Her voice was full of kindness and the desire to help however she could. It was what she lived for, ideally. As a shaman of a large family, and after having loosing her own, it was the only thing she ever wanted; to heal the broken.

- - -

ooc; moreshitugh im sorry xD this will gradually get betterrrrr

[Deleted]

The sun crested low in the sky now, its light partially obscured by the cotton-pulled wisps of cloud cover. On the horizon, the air had begun to melt from cool cerulean into a sort of pale lavender-red. In a matter of minutes it would be dusk, and the sun would at last set on this horrific day. Djinkka’s heart stuttered when she thought on this, her stomach bottoming out at the idea of enduring this coming nightfall. Though most evenings she eagerly looked forward to the beautiful watercolor hues of the Tiayr sunset, she now dreaded its coming more than ever. On this evening, it would be less a pleasant close to the day than a doom-bringer. It seemed to the enormous black female that the night would bring with it a sense of finality – would seal her sins, binding them in time forever. If only the day could stretch on a few more moments, then perhaps it could all be undone. Or perhaps something would finally jar her from this hideously realistic nightmare.

As she waited on Zira’s response, Djinkka took the opportunity to inspect the smaller she-wolf more closely. Narrowing her golden eyes, she scanned the brown femme’s body, unabashedly sizing her up. She was of fair size – only about a half-foot shorter – and pretty of face. Her body was slender, and it was doubtful if she would be able to put up much of a fight. Too frail for Yahvi’s liking, Djinkka surmised; if this one had come to ask acceptance, she would no doubt be turned away.

Above all other physical traits, though, her most striking feature was her eyes. Those crystalline green eyes – they glimmered like lovely little peridot gems in the fading light. They stared back at her. Piercing deep, deep down into the depths of dark she-wolf’s body. Drinking all the anxiety and fear and hatred residing there. She could hide from these eyes no more than she could hide from the eyes of Yahvi.

Regardless of Zira’s intentions, Djinkka did not want her soul to be searched. Her mask was her stoic face, which at most times betrayed nothing but a disaffected scowl. She was more comfortable behind this mask, even in spite of her internal pain. Removing it was a slow process and caused her endless discomfort. She did not enjoy speaking freely about her emotions – in fact, she could not remember a time that she had done so. No one had ever cared to ask her before. The only wolf whom she had opened up to with any amount of success had been Ashaka – a now-distant friend. And even in that case, she had only just scratched the surface.

Zira’s honey-sweet voice struck Djinkka with painful impact. She wanted to help? Why was this stranger offering her kindness so freely? The notion both confused and infuriated the black femme – she could not understand why anyone would want to offer their services to such a monster. She was dirt. She was lower than the dirt itself. And now Zira was nobly taking it upon herself to offer assistance, and the idea of that just made Djinkka feel lower. She deserved no one’s help. She had murdered the innocent and the bloodshed still burned at her skin. Every ounce of Zira’s sweet voice added weight to her conscience. She wished the green-eyed femme would snarl back, would berate her and shout at her and give her the proper treatment that such a fiend would deserve. Couldn’t those eyes of hers see what she had done? Didn’t they know?

Riled by her racing thoughts, Djinkka narrowed her sharp eyes at Zira and peeled back her lips in another menacing sneer. “You have no business here, Zira. Her words weighed heavy with contempt. "If you are self-righteous enough to think that your help can solve my problems, you are wrong."



word count: 646
tags: @zira
ooc: Sorry for the wait.

[Deleted]

As much knowledge as Zira's eyes seem to hold, she was still so limited. Not by herself, but by those she attempted to puzzle together. And this female, she wanted nothing to do with Zira it seemed. Because of this, she only knew so much. She could only see the hurt and confusion; not it's home, where it came from, why she felt this way. But unlike her knowledge at this moment, the sylph's compassion still knew no borders. Her eyes still bore into the pale yellow and silver of her company's, attempting to unravel as much as she possibly could. As hard as it was, her determination too knew no boundaries.

Her company then raised her black lips in a nasty sneer which caused Zira to take a flinching step backwards. She did so in a way that did not demonstrate fear, but respect for other's wishes. And this female seemingly did not want Zira there, by all means. Her narrowed eyes were a mask that portrayed bitterness, but Zira could clearly see it was only a mask. Nothing more than that... And she was determined.

She was also patient.

My apologies. If my presence is not welcomed here, only say so and I will be nothing more than a memory. Zira said softly. Her eyes softened even more, if it was possible. The next phrase the darker woman spoke stung a little, but Zira didn't let it show. She too was familiar in the art of masks. It is not righteousness that I believe I can help. As you suggested, there is a large chance I may not be able to help. If so, I would apoligize and be on my way but have you in my prayers. However, it is not the idea of success that fuels me. It is a genuine desire to help however I can. Her words were so inhumanly soft. So kind. It was the entire entity that made her up.

Zira dipped her head low now, and smiled sadly. I will leave if you only ask.

- - -

ooc; wow okay this sucks i am sorry! hahah here we gooo

[Deleted]

Each word that fell from Zira's lips was like a dagger in Djinkka's side. She wanted to be screamed at. She wanted punishment. She wanted no part in pity nor in salvation. She was beyond help. The compassion -- the naive trust behind those green eyes made her stomach churn with revulsion. Despite their pretenses, they were no more omniscient than a blade of grass. They looked upon her now, flickering in the dimming light. Shining with boundless ignorance. What a fool. Djinkka knew she could end this femme's life on the spot. She was capable of murder; she was capable of anything, now.

She shifted her weight, turning her large body away from Zira and pointing her gruesome face towards the lake. The surface of the water was eerily still -- not a single ripple broke the tension. Across its top the proceeding sunset marched on, casting a reflection of deep reds and ominous purples onto the crystalline liquid below. The colors swirled across the metallic laketop like drippings from a paint-soaked brush; the water itself seemed almost denser as the sunset weighted atop it. But Djinkka’s eyes found no beauty in this scene – she could only watch, mute with horror, as the water sank away to be replaced by the blood of her innocent victim. The boulders along the shore morphed in the dusklight into limp bodies, doubled over lifelessly. And above, the heavens themselves were rent apart as the all-seeing eye cast its judgment down to the Earth below.

So thick was the illusion in Djinkka’s mind – so weak her nerves, and so rattled her brain -- that she could almost feel the snapping in her mind as it happened. In an instant her muscles began to ripple below the skin and her yellow eyes grew wide in size, pupils constricting. Her ears flattened against her skull and with an unearthly, carnal snarl she turned on Zira, her face contorted into a muddle of twitching black fur and fangs. Her eyes burned with a wild rage and as she spoke, spitting her words with ruthless precision, her voice was like that of a demon.

”Back!” she howled. ”Get back! She lunged furiously at Zira, coming within an inch of the femme’s snout. Her breath hung in dense clouds as she shouted. “You don’t know who you are talking to. You don’t know who I am… what I am… and you are horribly naïve to think that this soul can be salvaged. I am a monster! Do you hear me? I. AM. A. MONSTER.”

And then, just as suddenly as the violent outburst had come on, it subsided – and again the hulking black form turned away, though this time more from embarrassment than frustration. Djinkka did not like to display emotion of any sort – but already, now, Zira had seen her twice in the midst of a nervous breakdown. The she-wolf had the uncanny ability to incite emotion, and this annoyed Djinkka considerably. But the catharsis had by some measure cleared her mind and weakened the barrier between her and the green-eyed female. She felt that she could resist no longer; she was compelled to say something – anything – to address the situation. With a deep, soul-burdened sigh, she at last spoke with some amount of rationality:

“…I have done a terrible thing, Zira. And I cannot think of a way to undo the damage.”


word count: 566
tags: @zira
ooc: Sorry if the pace of this thread is dragging. I like to take character development slow!

[Deleted]

Zira didn't flinch when the dark wolf snapped at her, instead she took a quick step backwards. Though this wolf was obviously troubled as she spit angry words, Zira somehow knew any fear from her, or any disgust would make the matters worse. This woman needed counsel and Zira was one to give it free cost. Zira made direct eye contact with this wolf as she accused Zira of ignorance. However, those green eyes still stayed calm and compassionate and kind. Still, she remained herself, the wolf who knew only how to love others. She opened her mouth a moment when the violent words stopped, and paused to think of what she could say. Surely, she could not fix her. She knew better then to assume she could heal every broken soul- but damn, she would try. She would always try.

I do not see a monster, my friend. I see someone who is sick with worry and fear... Perhaps much more as well. Fear does things to us, and I am not here to judge you for that. Zira's voice was soft as always, that low voice but still beautiful. emerald eyes held nothing but honesty that mirrored her heart, clear as crystal. 

The female then turned, quickly as she had snapped. Zira took a step forward, and followed the gaze. The water was still, and almost frightening. What is your name? Zira asked softly. She cocked her head, and slowly and cautiously walked up next to the woman, yet made no attempt to make eye contact. Instead, she watched the water with her. There was no awkwardness in it, not to Zira at least.

She spoke again, and Zira almost looked over- but she did not want to initiate any kind of negative responses, and so she held back. Instead, she sat down. This was a great sign of trust; she was vulnerable like this. Zira furrowed her brows, and looked down at her paws a moment, and her ears rotated a little. I feel sorrow for you, my friend, but it is but nature we make mistakes. I told someone this not to long ago, and maybe it will be of some ease to you. It is in the past, is it not? Our past is but a story, and should we linger, well, we cannot move on. It's cliche, I understand. Yet, also truth. If we cannot accept what's done is done, we will forever be prevented to go forth. Zira spoke the words and remembered Jericho. How he to felt regret in his past. The thing about Zira is she never once dwelled in the past, only learned from it and applied. This didn't mean she was better then others, by no means! However, it granted her wisdom to aid others.

Sometimes, the stillness of the blue is unsettling. But, still water runs deep. Would she understand? That those, like Zira, with the calm composure, too, ran deep? She was desperate now to offer what she could to help, and quite frankly, probably wouldn't let this woman walk away until Zira was of some assistance.

- - -

ooc; noooo i love this pace!! it's gonna be a GOOD THREAD<333

[Deleted]

The silence that followed Djinkka's outburst was painful. Nearly unbearable. But the exhausted femme, her face turned to the water, was determined to bide her time until Zira finally made her exit. Of course she did not expect her to stay after such a horrific showing. The average wolf would by far have already given up. The cost of offering help to a huge, menacing female in an obviously unstable state of emotions was high, and the benefits were exceedingly low. The nature of wolves, Djinkka had learned through experience, was to always primarily look out for number one. Self-preservation and personal gain -- those were the overarching goals of all living beings, it seemed. Why take a chance and fail if you can stay within the confines of your comfort zone? She could hardly blame them. People were always letting you down.

But the moments passed, and still Zira stayed. She did not speak, but she stayed. Djinkka's fur bristled; she looked out into the great void of space, watching as the sun grazed the shadowy horizon and the sky above bled from purple to deep indigo. If she did not have the movement of the sun to provide her some sense of time, she would have guessed that hours had gone by before the silence was finally broken. Zira's voice was a quiet whisper, barely audible above the phantom noise of earth scraping against sky.

Djinkka chuckled cynically -- a little sadly -- at her words. "Many claim not to judge but it is nature to do so. I am so often judged a beast on sight." And now I have proved those judgements right, she thought aside.

Her muscles tensed as she felt the she-wolf approach her side, but she made no motion to move. Her face lowered and remained resolutely focused on the water, her yellow eyes peering into it as if it contained all the answers she had ever in her life sought. In reality, she just could not bear to look at Zira anymore; the green eyes were painful to behold. Her voice lowered in a gruff, curt response. "Djinkka." Even her name sounded like a curse.

Zira's sage words were of little comfort. Djinkka did not like adages -- she thought them silly and often false. She listened in contemplative silence but when the short speech had ceased, she was quick to contest it.

"It is true that the past is a story: what happens in one chapter affects the next," she said. "Nothing is without consequence. You can move on all you like, but the mistakes you make stay with you." Her traitorous mind forced her into a flashback of the events on the hill. A montage of blood raped her mind with horrific images as she spoke; it took considerable effort to keep her voice from shaking. "We are not talking about some mild pup's transgression. I shall be suffering the consequences of my actions for the rest of my life."


word count: 504
tags: @zira
ooc: Oh yay good. I'm enjoying this thread a lot. (: