Freedom is as Bitter as Sorrow[Finished]

[Kade]

Air. Fresh air. Kade choked down a shaky breath as he finally drug himself onto land. It had been a hard swim from the wreckage but he had made it. As air burned down his nostrils they brought the scents of the land. The taste of the earth. No humans. For the first time in his life Kade didn't smell the wretched stink of man. He lifted his jaws to the heavens and let out a lusty howl of triumph. He had finally escaped his tormenters after two years of captivity. Two years of being beaten and broken, he was finally free. His heart swelled with anticipation and joy, but there was also a hint of trepidation. With this freedom also came fear. Although he was free he wasn't as sure what freedom meant. Sure it meant no more humans, but he had relied on humans for everything. He didn't know how to acquire the kibble he had been forced to eat, or how to obtain a water dish. I guess freedom is going to be harder than I thought. He had been fed a few hours before they had loaded him on the plane so he wouldn't need food for the next few hours, but his mouth was dry as the desert. The salt of the ocean had dehydrated him and left his mouth needing water. Even his saliva could do nothing for his raw tongue. Walking forward his paws felt a tickling sensation and he looked down at the green offender. The grass beneath his toes was a new experience for him, but it felt so much nicer than the concrete he was accustomed to. Sniffing slightly, the sweet smell filled his lungs with the freshest air he had ever tasted in his life. He began to walk in earnest jumping round and round in excitement. Even this little bit of joy was enough to make all of his trials and tribulations worth it.

Water. Focus on water. His ears perked up at the slight trickle of a stream nearby. As he approached he was confounded by the waters smell, so fresh and without the metallic tang he was subjected to. He lapped at it greedily, the cold liquid filling his dry mouth. Never before had he felt so good, so refreshed, so free. After he had quenched his thirst he began to look himself over, a little disgruntled at his salty state. I guess this crap sticks. He waded slowly into the water almost surprised that the rocks underneath its surface weren't as soft as the grass. He rolled over into the water, albeit painfully, washing the salt and sand from his dark coat. He would need to find himself something to eat eventually, but wasn't sure where he could acquire any kibble. If he couldn't find any of the bitter dry food, then he might not survive. After he was content with himself and was now feeling fresh he shook the water off of himself. It was a little chilly and he wasn't used to such conditions. The sun was warm however so he stretched out in the grass beside the stream content for the time being to let the warming rays dry him off. Blissfully unaware of the other creatures that inhabited this island he felt himself dozing.

[Deleted]

Loneliness was not something that he was used to feeling. Vengeance had never had any friends in his life aside from his mother but that was the thing... he used to have his mother. His sweet, sweet mother who told him stories and curled up with him at night to keep warm... and now he was alone. His mother was dead. Murdered, actually, but by who he had no idea. They had not had any enemies. In fact, Ven had never met another wolf before in his life!! For so long it had just been him and his mother, Chapel. He had been born with a sister but she was a stillborn. Chapel had named her Truce and said that she had been born with the softest and whitest pelt she had ever seen. Vengeance, however, did not remember her. His whole life had just been him and his mother. Now, the yearling was unsure of what to do with himself. He had left his mother's dead body in their den surrounded by pretty rocks and flowers and hadn't gone back since. He couldn't handle seeing her body covered in blood. Lifeless. The only blood he was used to seeing was when he went hunting and there usually wasn't much, not compared to Chapel's body drained of its life source. Ven felt sick just thinking about it.

With an aching heart, the young wolf who was barely more than a year old made his way slowly... slowly... where was he going? He had no idea. He'd never explored Anikira before, content to stay in his little den near a little creek with his mother to keep him company. He felt lost, another feeling he wasn't used to, because Chapel had always known exactly where they were and where they were going. Being alone was awful. He didn't like it. But he also didn't yearn for a pack because he had never experienced a pack life. He just wanted his mother back but the brown eyed lupine knew he would never see her again. He didn't believe in an afterlife, his mother had never spoken of one, so he had no hope of seeing her again. He would never hear her voice or her laughter again.

Nearby splashing got the wolf's attention and he stopped walking briefly, blinking and turning his head in the direction of the sound. He could see another of his kind in the water. He stood there in the distance, curiously watching this other wolf, head tilted. Were they friendly? Were they part of a pack? Pack... crap. Was he in pack territory? A worried inhale brought with it no scents of marked territory but he was still nervous. His mother had warned him never to invade a pack's territory because they could get violent and Ven, well... he'd never fought before in his life. His mother was elderly and hadn't had the energy to playfight with him. I guess I should find out who this guy is... he found himself thinking, timidly trotting forward and letting out a soft yip of greeting, a shy smile upon his maw. Wow. This was going to be the first wolf that he talked to that wasn't his mother... but would it be good or bad?

[Kade]

The warmth the sun provided was like food or water revitalizing him like nothing had before. He felt renewed and refreshed. After dozing in and out of consciousness for what seemed like hours, he finally opened his eyes. The sun was still high overhead and the light was blinding to his fresh eyes. In the distance he could hear the calling of different creatures, and the trampling of another wolf. He bit back a growl as memories of the last wolf he encountered flooded his mind. She had been soft and sweet at first sight with nothing but kindness in her eyes. That kindness had blinded him to the slyness and deceit, traits that had almost cost him everything. He had been placed in her pen during her heat in the hopes that they would produce pups. Pups that would in time earn the researchers some money. The females at the facility had known that the more pups they produced the more reward they would receive, so they made it their mission to entrap him. Little did they know that he would rather die than create life in such a hellish place. His ears pricked as the wolf drew nearer, his scent wafted over Kade's senses. Looking in his direction he noticed the youth of this wolf. He was young, too young to be alone in such a raw and savage place. Kade had been alone at an even younger age, but he had been at the mercy of humans, not roaming the wilds alone. The wolf's yip fell upon unsure ears and Kade pulled himself to his feet, ready to face whatever approached.

Kade let out a low growl when the wolf got as close as Kade was comfortable with. His hackles rose and his tail stuck up in the air in warning. Although Kade was confident that this wolf was no threat to him, a part of him still wanted to get as far away from this young pup as possible. "Shouldn't you be getting home to your mother pup?", Kade sneered wondering what such a young male was doing out in the open. Didn't he know what dangers lurked in the wild?

[Deleted]

He was admittedly excited to see how this interaction would go. He'd only had experience with kindness in his life, aside from finding his mother murdered, but other than that it had just been him and Chapel. Kindness and happiness and joy his whole life... so when the older wolf rose to his paws, hackles raised and growling, Ven's shy smile faded into a timid and confused frown, brown eyes widening as he halted and lowered his head submissively, ears flattening against his skull. His mother hadn't been a very dominating female but Ven was, by nature, very submissive so he had no problem in just standing there, large body seeming so much smaller as he nervously glanced at the other male, his tail twitching in an almost-wag. He couldn't help it. He had always been playful and the thought of being able to maybe be around someone again was exciting but it didn't look like this guy was too pleased to see him.

The stranger growled and Vengeance flinched away, eyes widening even more as he let out a huff of breath, confused once again. Why was he growling? He had done something wrong? "Shouldn't you be getting home to your mother pup?" Oh. Those words... they hurt. Ven shook his head, feeling his eyes start to water and sting and his chest tightened with grief for the hundredth time that day. "She's, uh... she's dead. I'm on my own now," he replied with hesitation, closing his eyes to try and stop the tears before they could happen. Chapel had been fine with him crying in front of her. Then again, Ven had rarely cried when she had been alive because there had been nothing to cry about! He had been happy, so content with life, but now... now he didn't know what happiness was anymore. Okay. Maybe that was a bit over dramatic. But that's what it felt like. He just wanted her back. "Is this pack territory? I'm sorry if it is... I didn't know. I'll leave, if you want. I just... I never really talked to anyone else before, aside from my mom, so I was hoping to just... nevermind."

Beneath his wintery white pelt, the lupine's skin heated in an unseen blush and he turned his head away from the other wolf with a sigh, eyes gazing in the direction of his previous home, the little den besides the creek he had shared with his mother. Sometimes he held the very childish dream that, if he went back there, she would be laying there, asleep but alive, and his life could go back to normal.

ooc: i'm sorry this is terrible quality i found a working (for the moment) livestream of the one direction concert haha

[Kade]

Kade noticed the prick of tears that began to water in the pups eyes, only proving he wasn't ready to be alone. He noticed the pups bow of submission, but his tail still wagged in excitement. This playful chap was going to get himself killed if he came across a pack. He rolled his eyes slightly annoyed when the pup began rambling on about being sorry, and being alone. He hated crying and whining. The pup would need to learn to be strong if he wasn't a part of a pack, if he was going to survive alone. Kade relaxed a little after the pup had submitted, no longer tense about the possibility of a fight breaking out. "All things die in their time boy. Quit your crying.", he barked out gruffly. This male needed to learn that crying would not bring her back, nor would it help ease his pain. "You are not the only one to feel a loss, so snap out of it.", he growled. There were others of his kind who had lost so much, yet they had not come close to the suffering that he had experienced. "What is your name?", he asked relaxing into a sit. The youngster looked like he needed a good dose of tough love, and Kade was prepared to give it to him.

His first memories had been made up of kind humans, and sweet interactions, but they had been quickly melted away by cruelty an beatings, that had left him bitter and close to broken. He had remembered how he had been so confused when he had received his first beating. The humans had been yelling commands at him in some garbled language that he couldn't even understand. When he didn't perform they would beat him. Their kicks had bee sharp, their blows swift. He had been bruised and sore, yet they had returned the next day and everyday after that until he had learned to follow their commands. His master had been so pleased when the large wolf had been tamed, but even more displeased when after months of training Kade reverted to being feral. He had bitten anything that had moved, including the master. It had felt good inflicting such an act of revenge upon the cruel man. He had deserved every bite and scratch that Kade had inflicted, before the humans had pulled him off. He would need to teach this pup how to fight, how to be strong enough to survive.

[Deleted]

His gaze lingered in the direction of his previous home for a moment, body heaving in a heavy sigh before he finally returned his eyes onto the stranger. He didn't really know that it wasn't safe to look away from a stranger and to get lost in emotion. He'd never been attacked before in his short life. He'd never really felt much physical pain or any other pain for that matter, so this overwhelming sadness was very new to him. He wasn't used to constantly wanting to cry. Most of the tears he had shed when his mother was alive had been from laughter. Now he couldn't even remember the last time he laughed. Probably the day she had died, before he had heard her cry out from the den and returned from the creek to see her lifeless body covered in blood. Again, his chest clenched and his stomach churned uneasily. Picturing the image of his mother's dead body made him feel sick.

"All things die in their time boy. Quit your crying." The words were harsh and he flinched, frowning and turning his eyes onto the ground, sniffling once before doing his best to force the tears back. "I'm sorry. I know everyone dies I've just never experienced losing someone before. She was all I had," he explained, thinking that maybe if this stranger understood he wouldn't be so annoyed with his crying. Ven would soon learn that not everyone was as gentle as his mother. "You are not the only one to feel a loss, so snap out of it." Snap out of it? "How do I do that?" he questioned curiously, slowly lifting his eyes back up to look at the black and gray lupine, his coat so much darker than his own mostly white one. "Have you lost someone? Did you live in a pack?"

He was so curious! Even though he still felt the pain of losing his mother, he was also excited to learn more about wolves. Maybe one day he would even meet his father! Not that he even knew his father's name... Chapel had never told him. "What is your name?" The stranger was sitting down now so Vengeance did the same, lowering himself into a sitting position with his ears slowly pricking forward. Was the stranger no longer angry at him, then? Was this how meetings normally went? Get angry and then ask for a name? How odd. "I'm Vengeance but my mother always called me Ven. What's your name?"

[Kade]

Name? What was his name? He had never had a name, only ever being called wolf, or mutt, but never by an actual name. Perhaps he ought to save everyone the trouble and just pick one for himself, but once he picked a name it would be permanent. He didn't know what kind of name he should choose. He thought of his mother, and how he had never gotten a chance to meet her. What would she have named me? He didn't even know his mother's name. The only name that he remembered was the name of one of his companions. Her name had been Bellia, but that was no name for a male. Kade, that is a good name for a male. "My name is Kade.", he barked out. He didn't know how or when the pup would be able to get over his mother's death, but it would need to be sooner rather than later. "No I have never lost anything, but then again I have nothing to lose." It was the truth, he had never had anything worth losing. No friends. No family. Nothing. He would not feel pitiful for it though. It would only make him stronger. "No pack. I am not very sociable.", he chuckled. He was never one to remain in the company of others, not when they had always hurt him in the past. "Let me give you a lesson pup. The longer you avoid other wolves the better. They are cruel and greedy. Take yourself away from this place and stay away at all costs. I have heard of these pack wolves, that they are territorial and aggressive. Better to avoid them at all costs if you ask me." He was curious as to how this pup could have not seen another wolf in his short life. His mother must have kept him well hidden for such an event to occur. It was almost laughable that his first interaction with another wolf happened to be with Kade, probably the only other wolf on Anikira that had a deep rooted mistrust for other wolves.

[Deleted]

Ven had no idea that humans existed. He knew only of the creatures that lived here in Anikira. In fact, he couldn't even imagine a world outside of this place. His mother had never heard of humans, either, and had never spoken of them. Had he known this wolf was from somewhere outside of his home, he probably would have bombarded him with questions because Ven had always been allowed to ask questions. In fact, Chapel had encouraged him to question everything and that was exactly what he had done. Big questions, little questions, serious questions, silly questions. Why was the sky blue? Why did it rain? Why did she name him Vengeance? He still had so many questions, and he was still so young, a pup, as this stranger was calling him, but now he had no one to ask. Unless this guy didn't mind him hanging around him... but did Ven even want to hang out with a stranger? He knew nothing about this guy and he had been angry when he first approached. Then again, that could just be how strangers normally greeted one another.

"My name is Kade." Ven's tail twitched slightly and he grinned. "Kade," he repeated, just to test out the name. Kade, the first wolf he ever met besides his mother. "That's a nice name!" he offered shyly, giving his shoulders a bit of a shrug. Was he supposed to compliment someone's name? Was that a thing wolves did? "No I have never lost anything, but then again I have nothing to lose." Vengeance looked at him with curious confusion, eyes narrowed slightly, head tilted a bit to the right. "What do you mean? How could you have nothing? I mean... you're alive, that's something!" Chapel had always taught him to be thankful for his life because it wouldn't last forever. In fact, she had taught him to be grateful for a lot of things. Like cold water on a hot summer day or a warm den on a cold winter night. Ven had been taught to respect nature, to be thankful for everything that he had. Was that not what others were taught? His ears twitched back for a moment, nervous. What else didn't he know? Was everything that he had been taught wrong? No, it couldn't be! His mother hadn't been a liar.

Kade was chuckling then as he said, "No pack. I am not very sociable." That, Ven could understand. He probably couldn't be considered very sociable, either, considering he'd only ever known his mother. "I guess I'm not very sociable, either," he mused with a slight nod, mostly just talking to himself, a thoughtful frown upon his muzzle. "Let me give you a lesson pup. The longer you avoid other wolves the better. They are cruel and greedy. Take yourself away from this place and stay away at all costs. I have heard of these pack wolves, that they are territorial and aggressive. Better to avoid them at all costs if you ask me." A flicker of fear sparked in the young lupine's chest and he huffed, looking around them, wondering if there were any pack wolves around, watching them, waiting to attack. "Well, what if some of them are nice?" he questioned, "Though I've never really thought about packs much. Never had much of an interest in them, really. We were fine on our own." Were. But what about now? Now that Ven knew about evil, what with his mother being slaughtered the way she had been, was it safe for him to be all on his own? Would the killer come looking for him next?

[Kade]

Yes he was alive, but he had been alive his whole life. Life meant little to him. Was he supposed to be thankful for the life given to him? Was he supposed to raise his eyes to the heavens above and thank some god for his life. The shittiest life anything should ever have to endure, yes that was something. "No this life isn't something. Something's aren't worth living through." Kade had no way of making the pup understand that not everyone had a life to be thankful for. He would have gladly died anytime during his captivity, had even come close a few times. Yet here he was alive as ever, all because this world was a cruel place that took no pity on the poor souls trapped within it. "Listen kid. You might have a life that you are thankful for, but judging by the way you talk you haven't experienced much. You have led a pretty good life, tucked away by your mother. Try living without a mother, try living on your own from the very beginning. I have been at the mercy of some of the cruelest sons of bitches and instead of just letting me die, here I am. My life isn't something that would be lost. It would be something readily given." He huffed before pulling himself to his feet. The pup was rambling on about pack wolves, but Kade could barely hear him. His thoughts were plagued with memories. Memories he had been trying to bury for his whole life. He didn't want to be pulled in, didn't want to see them, even though he knew they weren't real. Just like that he was pulled into a delusion so real he was almost positive it was. The humans had been training him to bow, a task to demeaning Kade had fought against it with all he had. They had pulled him out of his cage when he had refused to comply with their commands. That had been one of the worst beatings he had ever received. They had kicked him until he could no longer draw breath, the pain was as sharp as a knife causing him to whine in pain. There was no escape from the nightmares that haunted him, but he had his life. How naïve! How innocent to believe that life was something worth living. His life was worth nothing, nothing more than a damaged shell of a young wolf. Damaged so beyond the point of return. Yes he would live his life. A life free from anyone of anything that would dare try to imprison him again.

[Deleted]

Vengeance couldn't understand why this guy seemed so angry and upset. Had he lost someone? But he'd been pretty adamant about Ven getting over losing his mother so it couldn't be that, could it? "Why do you seem so sad, Kade?" he asked, so used to being able to ask his mother everything that it didn't occur to him that strangers weren't always so willing to talk about themselves. If Kade were to ask Ven any questions, he would most likely answer them honestly and willingly, if he knew the answer, and would shrug and say he didn't know if he didn't know the answer. Ven was still young, still naive about the world, but if he kept meeting guys like Kade that would most likely change. The thought saddened him but he didn't have time to think about it because Kade was speaking once again. "No this life isn't something. Something's aren't worth living through." The yearling blinked, confused, his facial expression and tilted head showing his confusion. Not worth living? But... but why?

"I... I don't understand. How could life not be worth living? It's beautiful." He frowned, thinking, trying to come up with reasons why life wouldn't be worth living. Even with his mother gone, Vengeance still thought that life was beautiful and worth living. What had happened to Kade to make him think otherwise? "Listen kid. You might have a life that you are thankful for, but judging by the way you talk you haven't experienced much. You have led a pretty good life, tucked away by your mother. Try living without a mother, try living on your own from the very beginning. I have been at the mercy of some of the cruelest sons of bitches and instead of just letting me die, here I am. My life isn't something that would be lost. It would be something readily given." Oh. Well. That answered his question, didn't it? His eyes filled with sadness and sympathy but before he could say something, Kade was pulling himself to his feet. Unsure of what else to do, Vengeance clambered back up onto his paws, shaking his body with a huff of breath. "Kade?" he questioned cautiously, "Are you alright?"

[Kade]

Kade began to pace back and forth, his head shook trying to banish the awful memories. He couldn't escape them, and they came back stronger and stronger the more he tried to repress them. He could hear Ven's words, but they weren't enough to break his stupor. It had taken hold of him now and there was no stopping it until the memory had run it's course. He growled and snapped at the men circled around him. He had once again refused to breed with the females, earning him the beating of the century. They all kicked and beat him until he was to weak to walk, or even remain conscious. He would awaken back in his cell, body battered and broken. Kade's growls grew stronger as if he didn't realize that he was no longer in a cage. He could hear Ven's breathing, smell the fresh air, feel the dirt beneath his paws. The pain was to overwhelming to escape. His growls began to mix with whines of pain as the delusion reached it's peak, one of the men had grabbed a large pole looking thing. The had hurt worse than anything. The constant whack of the bat made him lose consciousness almost every time. Something he was thankful for. Kade collapsed and almost lost consciousness again when his vision cleared. He was back in the meadow with the pup. It took a long time before Kade pushed himself back to his feet, shuddering in the process. The pain was still to fresh in his memories. "No I will never be alright. Never again."

The humans had taken so much from him, and instead left him broken. He still had his spirit, his tenacity, but they had broken his mind. Something that he could not heal, not with all the time in the world. He would forever remain this shattered shell of a wolf, who could not control his own mind. Could not control the memories, and how they loved to sweep him away from reality and keep him trapped in the past.

[Deleted]

Poor Ven had never experienced anything like this. His mother had gotten sad sometimes and would get tears in her eyes but he was always able to make her smile again no matter what. He had woken up a few times in the middle of the night with her crying or whimpering in her sleep but nothing like this. Kade was pacing back and forth and it was making Vengeance very uncomfortable, his brown eyes wide and frightened and concerned. He whined, a soft sound, making him seem even younger than he actually was, and his body seemed to crouch down, submissive and frightened. He wanted to run away, to go back to his little den where he had called home for so long, but he couldn't. Plus he couldn't just leave Kade like this! What if... what if something was really wrong? What if he got really hurt? His fear and uncertainty only grew as the older wolf began to growl, causing the pup to hurry back a few steps, gasping softly, but Kade didn't seem like he was growling at him. In fact... Ven wasn't sure what Kade was growling at. And then, slowly, the growls turned to whimpers and then Kade was on the ground, obviously in pain, but Vengeance didn't understand how. He'd never quite seen anything like it.

Eventually, Kade quieted down and rose to his paws again, leaving Vengeance shaking and staring, lips parted, eyes wide. What had just happened?! "No I will never be alright. Never again." Vengeance blinked, hesitating for a moment before stepping forward, inching toward Kade, almost crawling, really, his ears pricked forward and body tense. "What happened? Are you alright? Are you... hurt?" Ven wasn't sure how Kade could be hurt, though, because he hadn't been touched! Ven had seen the whole thing! They were alone and Vengeance hadn't attacked him. What, then, had happened? If it had been something in the air surely Vengeance would have acted the same way as well, right? "Maybe you should lay down for a bit."

ooc: gorgeous table!