Post by Eidus on May 4, 2015 17:10:29 GMT -5
Eidus spoke his words as honestly as he could to Lani. She deserved the truth even if he had to hide some of his deeper emotions behind unsaid things. His voice never strayed from its steady comforting low tone. Even though the event in question had passed he still worried that too much on her mind may cause her more stress. He wanted to minimize the pain her past caused her as possible. However they also needed to talk about it since Eidus had to know what haunted her. He wanted to help her anyway possible, to do that he needed to know what he could do to help.
As her face lay buried in his fur he could feel the smile creep up on her lips at his words. Maybe she was reading between the gaps and understanding to a degree what he meant. He hoped that the small smile she wore was a sign that his thoughts about her were not one sided. Maybe if he was lucky they were equal on both sides. As he sighed against her fur speaking words both under and over his breath he felt that maybe this could be more than a temporary meeting of minds.
As she asked her about his own weakness he had shown her he couldn't help but be troubled by it. After all he had spent over a year in isolation from the world. Would he indeed one day like her wake up not knowing where he was. Not recognizing the faces of those around him and running off the instinct that kept their species alive. Would he end up the same way she did? Snarling and ready to kill the first wolf to cross his path. He mentally shook the thoughts from his mind. He was a stronger creature than that. He could over come those thoughts and the darkness they brought with them.
“Well of course not. I wouldn’t fault you for healing as we go. I only wish to help. If I can help you recover from your ordeal in any way, that wouldn’t make you any less.” He found the irony in her statement and barely controlled a small smile that erupted on his face. He felt the same way to her but as he was going to express this she continued speaking to him “As for me…I don’t know about me. There may be no healing. This darkness I bear…It’s my own. My own fault. I…” His words stopped before his lips.
There seemed to be deeper scars here then he would have assumed at first. He wondered what kind of events could turn one so deeply back in on themselves. He had seen dark wolves before. Much darker than the female who was currently curled against him. He could not see her being anything like them though. She bore scars of her past, granted, but they did not seem to be the kind that twisted one into a creature of evil and malice. They seemed more like memories of a pain long ago that caused her endless pain.
She continued speaking while the thoughts shifted through his mind. “I...” Her pause brought his mind back to her and he concentrated on her words as she continued speaking. “I killed my…brother.” The words seemed to choke her. He could feel the tears in her eyes as she was pressed against his chest. He kept his words to himself though to give her the time to speak. She was admitting something incredible painful to him. He could however make some quick assumptions about it. If she felt this much sorrow over the event he doubted she had killed her brother in cold blood. There had to be more to this situation than a simple murder for the sake of killing.
“I…killed him. It’s all my fault. This darkness will never leave. It’s payment for my wrongs. My own brother. How could I have done something like that?” Her head began to shake against his chest and instinctively he wrapped her up tighter against him. He wanted to soothe her pain and take it away but he was no so stupidly selfish as to believe he had any answer to giver her that would make it all better. After all she could only do so much for his own pains, her pains were the same to him.“My pack was horrible. War mongers. Savages. My father the worst of them all. My sister was killed by his beta. My mother was killed by him. And now Caniri is dead as well. My family is gone Dus. And part of it is my fault.”
Ah and with that a lot more of the image became clear to him. She hadn't directly killed her brother. Instead she had made choices that may have lead him to his death in a way. Or maybe she had it twisted in that sense. Maybe she only sought to blame herself for the choices her brother had made in the end. He felt that the second answer was probably closer to correct. He chose to not speak as she fought her way through telling him her past. After all this was difficult enough for her without him trying to talk between her sentences.
“I haven’t gone back. I just ran. Like a coward.” And there was the confirmation he needed. Her answer told him more than one would assume. If she had fled something like her family more than likely her brother hadn't. That had lead to his death and she blamed herself for it. That could be a deep wound in and of itself. However her next words complicated the situation further for him, “I don’t want to be my father. But…after what I almost did to you…there must be much of him in me. I look like him you know. Same eyes and coat. I’m almost a mirror image of him other than the fact that I was born female. He would never forgive me for that.” Her words came out shaky as she continued “I’m becoming my worst nightmare. My father.”
He tried to control his instinct to nuzzle her more. What she needed now was more than just physical comfort. She needed words and he was the only one here to give them to her. So he spoke carefully “Lani. My dear sweet Lani. I do not know what happened in your pack to make you flee them. I do not know what choice your brother made that cost him his life. I do not know what kind of man your father was. However there are things I do know.” At this he gently pushed his muzzle under hers trying to push her head up so he could look her in the eyes.
“Lani I know what kind of creature you are. From what little you have told me of your pack I sincerely doubt your as much of your fathers daughter as you believe. A male like that would not have saved a washed up creature on the shore. A creature like that would not go out of his way to help a stranger and nurse them back to health. You believe you are your fathers daughter because you are capable of violence?” At that Eidus chuckled dryly “Because if that's true then I am much the same Lani. You think I am not capable of killing another wolf? In many ways you could say my family line had produced some of the worst kinds of creature. I have a cousin who literally wiped his entire family out for no reason.” At the thought of Night Wind, Eidus has to stifle a deep growl. That was a messed up creature to start with.
“Lani I want to know what happened in your past. I feel like you blame yourself unfairly for your brothers death. But then again I do not know what happened dear.” He shook his head closing his eyes from a moment “Know this thought Lalani.” He spoke her name with gentle affection “I do not believe you to be evil. I have seen evil and looked it in the eye and I know you are not made of the same stuff. You may look like your father. But I do not think you are him. Your past haunts you and the choices you made in it. That doesnt make you a bad person. It just makes you one who is hurt. I want to help you. I want to make you whole again Lani.” He nuzzled her gently again.
“I want to return the favor owed for you saving my life. I want to save yours. You are not a threat to me. You can bite me and rip me apart but it would never change my view of you. That is no willful ignorance on my part. I know you would never hurt another consciously. You even pulled back from hurting me while coming out of that dark place in your mind. What more proof do I need?” He smiled gently nuzzling her once again.
Words: 1529
Notes: these are just getting bigger lol